AUDIENCE FOR: Sheila Hammond

[guestservices]

Comments

[toesies]

Oh, honey.

[She makes a face and immediately reaches for their arm, to tug them along.]

Come on. We're getting some food in you and you are taking your break, goddamnit.

[guestservices]

D-don't... Don't fucking patronize me!!

[


they put up a token struggle and follow along, though.]

[toesies]

I am literally just trying to be nice?

[is this what the youths call a tsundere]

[guestservices]

[who's to say]

What do you want out of it? No one is ever fuckin' nice for free!

[toesies]

... Oooookay, I don't know where to even begin unpack that. People can totally be nice without wanting something in return. For example, me! But if that's too tough a pill to swallow, I heard you made that nice jerky. Boom, there we go, I'm paying you back.

[guestservices]

So you liked it?

[a beat. they almost sound surprised.]

I mean, of course you fucking did. No one makes better jerky than me!

[toesies]

That's the attitude! It was a nice treat to keep me ripping someone's throat out until I found the "sticky hand" [air quotes] in my room, so thanks.

[guestservices]

[they seem a little uncomfortable. perhaps they're not used to being thanked.]

You...

[there is a long, awkward pause.]

You're welcome?

[toesies]

[cries at the typo in my last tag

Anyway, Sheila laughs and nudges them while she continues to drag them to the restaurant.]

Don't make it sound like a question! Come on, where's all that confidence from five seconds ago?

[guestservices]

[me trying to find the typo: ??????]

My confidence didn't fucking go anywhere!

[toesies]

[i missed a word u_u]

Heck yeah it didn't! So say it again, just like that! "You're fucking welcome, Sheila!"

[guestservices]

YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME, SHEILA!

[toesies]

[She claps, delighted.]

Hell yeah, I am!

[guestservices]

Hahahahahahaha!!!

[toesies]

[Pats their arm.]

So, besides men, what kinds of foods are your favorite?

[guestservices]

...other types of meat!

[toesies]

So all meat, no veggies. I can respect that.

[guestservices]

Yeah. Fuck vegetables.

[toesies]

Fuck vegetables!






Though, weren't you just eating french fries?

[guestservices]

That's a vegetable?!

[toesies]

Botanically, yeah. But the food pyramid is weird like that, so we call it a starch instead.

[guestservices]

The what.

[toesies]

The food pyramid?

[guestservices]

What the fuck is that?

[toesies]

It's a nutrition thing. You have to eat certain amounts of different types of foods to grow big and strong. Or, you know, that's what you tell your kids at dinnertime.