guestservices | AUDIENCE FOR: Sheila Hammond

[who's to say]

What do you want out of it? No one is ever fuckin' nice for free!

... Oooookay, I don't know where to even begin unpack that. People can totally be nice without wanting something in return. For example, me! But if that's too tough a pill to swallow, I heard you made that nice jerky. Boom, there we go, I'm paying you back.

So you liked it?

[a beat. they almost sound surprised.]

I mean, of course you fucking did. No one makes better jerky than me!

That's the attitude! It was a nice treat to keep me ripping someone's throat out until I found the "sticky hand" [air quotes] in my room, so thanks.

[they seem a little uncomfortable. perhaps they're not used to being thanked.]

You...

[there is a long, awkward pause.]

You're welcome?

Edited 2022-06-15 05:33 (UTC)

[cries at the typo in my last tag

Anyway, Sheila laughs and nudges them while she continues to drag them to the restaurant.]

Don't make it sound like a question! Come on, where's all that confidence from five seconds ago?

[me trying to find the typo: ??????]

My confidence didn't fucking go anywhere!

[i missed a word u_u]

Heck yeah it didn't! So say it again, just like that! "You're fucking welcome, Sheila!"

YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME, SHEILA!

[She claps, delighted.]

Hell yeah, I am!

Hahahahahahaha!!!

[Pats their arm.]

So, besides men, what kinds of foods are your favorite?

...other types of meat!

So all meat, no veggies. I can respect that.

Yeah. Fuck vegetables.

Fuck vegetables!

Though, weren't you just eating french fries?

That's a vegetable?!

Botanically, yeah. But the food pyramid is weird like that, so we call it a starch instead.

The what.

The food pyramid?

What the fuck is that?

It's a nutrition thing. You have to eat certain amounts of different types of foods to grow big and strong. Or, you know, that's what you tell your kids at dinnertime.

[they mutter "food pyramid" under their breath and nod.]

I'll keep that in mind next time someone tries to tell me what I should and shouldn't eat.

Are you planning to look into it?

Of course! It sounds like the perfect thing to get stupid bastards who try to tell me what I should be eating off my back, hahahaha!!

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