AUDIENCE FOR: Lup

[guestservices]

mostly void, partially stars.

❤

Comments

[evocationary]

No, I don't even feel like complaining about it. It happened. I'm kind of - like, in this zen state? Nothing matters. Is this what nihilism is?

[she ignores the sleep question]

[guestservices]

No, go a little left from the depression. Try nirvana, that's probably closer.

[it is possible they are both stupid and mildly delirious.]

[evocationary]

[YOU CAN'T GET ON HER ABOUT NOT SLEEPING WHEN YOU DON'T]

Isn't nirvana like, bliss, though? I am nowhere near bliss. That's like, uh... hm. I lost my train of thought. [...] Anyway.

Do you like the cat?

[guestservices]

It's also the realization of emptiness, and in some places it's a band. [haha. but. the cat is still here and they're looking at it again.]

...it's pretty cute. Keeping yourself busy?

[evocationary]

Oh, right, it is a band. I forgot.

[anyway] Trying to. It's getting close to the point where I told Cloud I was probably going to die, so I'm trying to leave keepsakes so people remember me forever.

[guestservices]

...hang on, do you wanna rewind that for me a little? What do you mean?

[evocationary]

Huh - oh. I told Cloud I have to survive until at least week four, and he got real T.O.'d and so I extended it to five.

[this explains nothing]

[guestservices]

[. . .]

You are lucky I like the cat or I would crumple it up and throw it at you.

[evocationary]

Why is this always the response.

[a beat.] Look, it'd just be dramatically appropriate, is all. I don't want to die.

[guestservices]

Then maybe quit expecting yourself to do so. [they. seem a little mad?]

[evocationary]

[a pause.]

... Okay. [she tilts her head.] I can't really promise anything.

[guestservices]

Maybe not, but you can at least stop--[...

okay. never mind. they just pause for a second and lean against the front desk.]

...I get it. Coping with the possibility by trying to prepare for it.

[evocationary]

[a deep breath.]

... Yeah. It's scary. I can't really afford to, you know? There's a lot of people who need me. A lot of people who trust me even though they maybe...

[and then there's stardust!]

[guestservices]

[. . .

there is stardust! and it settles, leaving aquarius to quietly witness that and think things through.]

...Lup, if you end that sentence with "even though they maybe shouldn't", I'm walking away right now.

[evocationary]

[her ear flicks, and she doesn't say anything!]

[guestservices]

[the temperature around her drops just a tiny bit.]

Lup.

[evocationary]

[she flinches.]

Stop - stop it, I'm just saying. It doesn't matter. They - they do. I know they do.

[guestservices]

I mean it...sort of matters if you're still questioning it, but I get it. I get why you are, but I also just watched Harrow tell you that she still trusted you and liked you despite knowing you had plans to feed her to an abomination.

[evocationary]

[it's like her brain is trying to remind her of this while she struggles with having put herself down for protection instead of harrow or like, aikawa, for instance]

It just - doesn't make any sense to me, sometimes. But it's okay, it's fine, just. Can we move on.

[guestservices]

[we can't move on because i never got this notif.]

Fine, okay. We're moving on. What are we moving on to?

[evocationary]

[ty your notifs]

Uh. [...] I don't know. We can just walk, I guess. I'm really sick of making decisions, so I'm just doing whatever.

[guestservices]

...[they scoop up the origami kitty to tuck it away.]

Come on. There's plenty of hotel to wander. Are you hungry? Do you want air? We can go back to the school if you want. Campus is pretty big.

[evocationary]

... We can do the campus, sure.

[she sighs, rubbing at her face.]

Maybe the music room.

[guestservices]

Stress-violin. Sure. [they begin to walk to the revolving door.] Are we going on foot, or do you want to do the other way?

[evocationary]

What did I just say about decisions.

[she says, but it's a joke, mostly.] We can walk.