AUDIENCE FOR: Lup

[guestservices]

mostly void, partially stars.

❤

Comments

[evocationary]

To be fair, it's been, uh - like, a hundred, hundred and fifty years or so since I've been. So I feel it.

[guestservices]

Here's a weird, fun philosophical question for you. [as they cross campus.] Do you ever feel like your life is both long and short all at once?

[evocationary]

Oh, all the time. [she says, amused.] More than you know, maybe. Why?

[guestservices]

Guess I was just wondering. How people felt about that sort of thing. Maybe it's dumb to think about but there's a lot of you in similar situations. I've wanted to know for a while.

[there's no further explanation though because there's a sprinkle of stardust. and then a memory.

It's cold. It's cold outside, and you stand before the twenty-foot-long pit that smells faintly like root beer and barbeque sauce. The only light you see comes from the full moon hanging above you. You're aware other people are around you, but your focus is intense, words spilling from your lips as your powers take over you. You almost fail to notice the strong, silvery light flickering amongst the trees as it draws closer to you. It kneels, drinking from the pit, and as it stands you falter in your speech.

She appears to you just as she did right before she left. Timeless, ageless, and yet...lifeless. You don't notice the way she addresses one of the others first, shaking yourself out of your daze as you stumble forward calling her name.

She turns to you, a sad expression and you feel something in your chest tighten.

"You've gotten so tall," she says, almost like this is only conversational and not monumental.

"Why didn't you answer me sooner? I've been trying for months!"

"I was hoping you would give up."

The fragile weight in your chest shatters then. "Give up? How can you say that? I'm trying to save you!"

"You can't. Don't do this." You don't want to hear her say the boy beside you is right. You refuse. You scream the truth as you know it, that he let her die, that he isn't their friend, and you do your best not to tremble and break when her hand reaches for your face and disappears before your eyes.

"You must listen to me," she says in that tone you remember so well. It's the tone she always used when she thought younger brothers should listen to their older sisters even without reason. You don't agree with her. It isn't a flaw, this burden you hold onto. "You have to forgive. You have to promise me this."

"I can't. Never."

She tries to reason with you. She lies to you, says that the boy beside you has been worried and can help you. But that's not true. No one can help you anymore. No one understands.

"Why are you helping him and not me?" You shout to get her attention again. "It's not fair!"

"It's not him you're mad at. It's me."

You shake your head. You protest. You know your throat's closing and tears well in your eyes as she continues.

"You're mad because I left you. You're mad because I died and left you alone. I'm sorry for that. I truly am. But you must overcome the anger, and stop blaming him for my choices. It will be your doom."

The girl behind you speaks up. She's always been someone who applies logic and reason to everything she says. She tries to tell you about the tyrant whose power is growing, that he'll use you, but...

"I don't care. I just want my sister back."

"You can't have that." Your sister says in a tone more gentle than most. You nearly stamp your feet, loudly proclaiming that you can because of your lineage, that you will do this, but she won't hear you.

"Don't try," she says just as softly. "If you love me, don't..."

Hundreds of spirits begin to surround you, twisting and throbbing in agitation. A warning you want to ignore. A sign you shouldn't ignore, but it doesn't matter. She's here, finally. You won't waste this.

"Your power draws the attention of him. The dead must return. It is not safe for us to remain."

You panic as you realize she's once again leaving you. You beg her to stay just a little longer, but she's already fading before your eyes.

"I love you. Remember what I said."

And just like that her form shivers and she disappears, the ghosts vanishing with her and leaving you alone under the cold, full moon.

life...is both long and short all at once, sometimes.]

[evocationary]

[i scream because i've never read this series and yet

but that's not important, because what is important is that this hits lup directly in the heart and soul. she just - stops. and holds her chest for a second, eyes closed. just, silence. for now, as she works through it, and tries to... breathe, or anything, do anything at all.]

[guestservices]

[oh.

this seems bad. they stop walking, turning on their heel to face her then.]

...Lup? [h...hello?]

[evocationary]

Fine. [she says, after a second, waving her free hand.] Just. Um. Trying to not - cry, I think. Hold on.

[guestservices]

...okay. [they linger back and just...give her a little space. they also go quiet while they wait.]

[evocationary]

[when she thinks she can speak without her voice breaking, she does.]

You didn't get to save her?

[guestservices]

[. . .

silence.]

...she had been gone for a while by the time I saw her again. [what lup just saw.] And when I did get a chance, later...when I went back to find her and change things...she had already disappeared.

[she had already moved on without them.]

[evocationary]

[she can't help this instinct i'm sorry but she just reaches and takes their hand gently? loosely.]

I can't - I'm sorry. [she keeps thinking about taako, about this, about the similarities in emotion, if not exactly situation.] ... I wouldn't be able to see straight if that'd been me.

[guestservices]

[the hand is still cold, and they jump a little like they aren't expecting it and aren't used to the touch, but they allow it.]

...it's been a little while since then. I've made my peace with it. [finally.] ...but for a really long time it was all I wanted to do. All I could focus on was saving her and bringing her back to stay with me.

[evocationary]

Well.

[her ear flicks, and her mouth is kind of dry. she laughs, humorlessly.]

I mean, I - same? Like boy, do I relate to that.

[guestservices]

Yeah, well...[they figure. given who her hostage is.]

...I used to think maybe if I just worked harder or got stronger I could make things right. And then too much time had passed. So all I can do is move on.

[evocationary]

[augh. her heart hurts. she squeezes their hand once, and then lets go.]

It's still with you, though. It still hurts. [she says, softer.] Sometimes harder and stronger doesn't get you there, even if you try.

[it doesn't sound like a lecture, though, it's more... empathizing.]

[guestservices]

[they pull their hand away to return to their side.]

Of course it does. [they easily agree.] But, uh...people. Once you stop pushing them away, surprisingly they can kinda help.

[evocationary]

[her ear flicks.]

That was a pointed statement if I've ever heard one.

[guestservices]

[they just. pause. and seem surprised.]

Wait, was it?

[evocationary]

No! I'm projecting!

[guestservices]

[SCREAMS.]

...you're not always great at actually letting people in either, are you.

[IT WAS LIKE A POINTED STATEMENT AT THEMSELVES, BUT NOW LUP INVITED THIS.]

[evocationary]

[I'M CRYING SHE WANTS OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION LET HER OUT]

Maybe. Anyway. [she's leaving bye off towards somewhere on campus idk where and she doesn't either]

[guestservices]

[they just.

watch her speed off.]

You're going the wrong way, by the way!

[THE MUSIC ROOM IS THE OTHER WAY.]

[evocationary]

[she wants death please just kill her

she just stops like super far from aquarius and puts her hands on her face and yells into them. muffled.]

[guestservices]

[they just...kind of fold their arms over their chest and stand there.

across the lawn.

staring at her.

ok.]

[evocationary]

[after a minute she comes back

and just gives them a flat look]

I haven't slept more than like two hours consistently for like four days, can you cut me some slack for being... like this.