AUDIENCE FOR: Lup

[guestservices]

mostly void, partially stars.

❤

Comments

[guestservices]

I'm not mad or anything. I'm sure they weren't aware when it was happening. [but they hum as they think it over.]

It's a little odd, but I've grown used to it, I think. It's been my room for quite some time now.

[evocationary]

A long time? [how long you been here for, boy]

[guestservices]

I guess you could say it's a long time. Though perhaps not as long as you were at the station.

[evocationary]

[a little nod.]

Thank fuck for that. Nobody should be in one of these that long.

[guestservices]

Absolutely not. It's completely offensive that anyone thought longer periods of time were acceptable.

[evocationary]

[a laugh.]

Agreed. [...] You get to go home when this is all over, right?

[guestservices]

I'm not sure. I suppose it's a matter of whatever happens next.

[evocationary]

Well. I'm guessing we have one more death-a-palooza, considering I had to do my job still this morning.

[guestservices]

That's a distinct possibility, yeah. Whatever it is, you'll just have to do your best and be as prepared as you possibly can be. And at least your job, hopefully, offers a semblance of security.

[evocationary]

[she tilts her head back, with a little sigh.]

Sure, as much as it ever does. [...] Tell me what you think is going to happen.

[guestservices]

[they look at their covers, picking at one of the sheets and picking at it.]

A lot of chaos, probably. Just like every other week. But you'll have to work together if you plan on making it to the end of your term. Things won't be quiet just because it's drawing to a close.

[evocationary]

[she opens her mouth - and then closes it.

and then she reaches for the flowers, tracing her fingers over the purple ones, and then the sunflowers. maybe it's clear what she wants to ask, but - she can't, and she knows.]

[guestservices]

[...they tilt their head.]

...your time here is nearly over, Lup. One more week. That's good, isn't it?

[evocationary]

It's not good enough. [she says, stubbornly.] You know why.

[guestservices]

...do I? [they actually seem kind of confused because there are a lot of reasons this could be true.]

[evocationary]

I'm not leaving until everybody can.

[guestservices]

Okay. [that's. all they say? like yes, they knew that.] How does that negate what I said about time almost being over? I never doubted some of you would be stubborn enough to try to figure something out.

[evocationary]

[a pause.]

... It doesn't. I didn't say it negates it? Hey Gems, are we like, good?

Maybe it's just the mask screwing with me, but I feel like half the time I talk to you anymore I'm having issues with figuring out what your deal is. Are you good? Am I losing my mind?

[guestservices]

[they think of how to phrase this.]

We're definitely good, Lup. Don't worry about that. It's been a long couple of months for everybody, don't you think? I think people are just starting to focus on the ending and it's taking a lot of time and energy from people. The ending's coming soon, no matter what the outcome actually is.

[evocationary]

[frowning.]

I know it's been a long couple of months. I know it's tiring.

But the distance you're putting in when it wasn't really there before - it's impressive, it's like you hit the ground running and decided to kick up all the dust into my face. Maybe I'm hallucinating it but I don't know. Better to just. Get it out there, because I'm starting to feel insane.

It's like you're constantly taking me at the worst faith interpretation. I know I'm not her, but it kinda hurts.

[guestservices]

[there's just.

a very long period of silence.]

...can I ask you something? What do you actually know about me? Or remember, I guess.

[they don't address any of that because they need to know that first before looping back to it.]

[evocationary]

... Not as much as I'd like.

[she says, finally.] I remember seeing your memories. Telling you it's okay to have boundaries. There was a fight we had. It's patchy, but the feelings are still there.

[guestservices]

Oh. [it's not surprising, but there's a nod.] I think...this is probably just a misunderstanding then. And as I've said I've heard I'm difficult to know. [as gemini. they continually have to pretend to be gemini, and they're sure that maybe that's part of it because gemini and themselves are so vastly different.]

But to be honest? I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I've come to you every time you've called. I've said everything that I could when you ask, and I want what's best for you. I told you why I couldn't answer about buying friendship because you were always going to be important to me, so it wasn't fair to tell you my opinion either way. I've tried to tell you that the Lup you are and the Lup you want to be really aren't that far off because that's what I believe after knowing you as long as I have. I've told you about us, I've tried to help when things were hard and scary, and there's so much happening all the time that I know is hurting you because you're that kind of person where you care way too much and it's hard to get out of your own head about it.

But I've never actually compared you to the Lup I knew. Not since that first time. Instead, it always feels like you're comparing me to someone else and that you're disappointed I'm not them. All of you. [all of the 7rs, they mean.] All of you immediately changed how you spoke to me and treated me the minute you realized I wasn't that person. And that's fine, because I get it. But I'm sorry it came off that way since it doesn't change how you feel.

[evocationary]

[she just. sighs, finally, and pulls her knees to her chest.]

You talking like him doesn't help. I know you have to. But it's jarring. [silence, for a moment. then:] ... It's hard to get around the wall where he should be. I'm not comparing you to someone else. I just don't know you the way I want to get to, and you're not allowed to let me, so it's not like I can fix it. You are difficult to know, because the circumstances we're in are making it that way.

... It's not that you haven't helped. I just feel like I'm on eggshells.

[guestservices]

It's just as jarring for me if that helps. [THEY HATE IT HERE.] But I know. It's...hard, I think, when it's for the sake of both of us right now. I know it may not feel that way, but I promise.

And in a week...we're all going to split up again. Maybe before then...after you check out and our employment is finalized, you can ask everything you want to. But I imagine everyone's ready to go back as soon as possible.