guestservices | CYOA week 5: cloud, sebastian, bradley, jason

[ Lady, you Can do better. Bradley might but be from Earth but he knows when somebody's got no clue what they're talking about.

A nod and then he starts walking off. He'll make his way back to the emergency exit. ]

[The guards are still there, hanging by the emergency exit and talking to themselves. They are so bored.]

[This is going to be terrible, but it's fine.

Jason didn't really move too far away from the couple initially, and now he sort of scoots up a bit closer. He waits until Bradley has moved on before he just

really reaches up and grabs a hold of this poor idiot guy and starts kind of shaking him. Imagine if this guy could fight. He sort of yells:] Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, buddy?! [HELP.]

[ Bradley can't even be here to judge Jason on his distraction strategies because he's not in this room. ]

[THIS POOR IDIOT GUY IS SO STARTLED.]

W-Wha—!? What are you doing? Let go of me! Help! Help! A twunkish hunk is assaulting me!

[His girlfriend just kind of steps back, bewildered, but also whispering that's an oddly specific description. This guy attempts to knee Jason in the crotch.

Anyway, the security guards are running over here. WHAT'S GOING ON, IS IT NERD ON FAKE NERD VIOLENCE.]

[Bradley can get in through the emergency exit is the only thing that matters here.]

What are you doing! Hey! You guys asleep on the job? This imposter was absolutely trying to go for the--

[This feels like Lepus karma. Going back to the hotel with a very sore dick. OW! It at least gets him to let go of the guy so he can instead sort of hunch.]

I'm being attacked by a thief who thinks Starry Night was painted by da Vinki!

[ If the guards are gone from the door, Bradley's going in and going up them. ]

Who are you calling an imposter and a thief!? And for starters, I am completely correct in this regard. You can see da Vinki's brushwork in the painting! Hmph, amateur. What school did you even go to?

[The guards look like they're steadily losing track of this conversation. The girlfriend continues to watch.

Meanwhile, Bradley can go up the stairs! It leads down to the ground, if he wants to flee from the scene altogether. But I guess it also leads up to the penthouse, which is unlocked because apparently no one ever expected anyone to use the emergency staircase ever.]

[WhAT THE HECK. He may have been ball checked, but HIS ARTISTIC KNOWLEDGE IS QUESTIONED?!]

What? First of all, it's da V*nci! Second of all, van G*gh did Starry Night because it's an impressionist painting, and he's an impressionist! Both of them were born about three hundred years apart and don't even have the same kind of art styles!

And to correct your earlier statement: The Thinker was carved by R*din! And he'd be pretty pissed to hear you give it to your spliced version of R*phael and da V*nci!

[To the woman:]

The bar is so low here. My advice? If you like art, you need to find a better guy who isn't going to feed you lies and try to steal from a museum.

[HE'S HOMEWRECKING THIS NICE COUPLE'S OUTING?]

[ Nerd.

Bradley's going up to the penthouse.

He'll put his ear against the door to see if anybody's close. If they aren't, he's just walking right in.

We're looking for keys. Particularly keys that look like they'll fit into Ben's box. ]

[The poor idiot guy splutters. Meanwhile, his girlfriend is slowly nodding.]

... You know, you're right. [a beat] Are you still single?

[The security guards begin heading back because it doesn't seem like they're needed here...?

Meanwhile, over with Bradley:

It doesn't look like anyone's in right now! There's a lot of fancy shit here "what fancy shit" just picture an obnoxious rich person's place. But yes, he'll notice a hook with a set of several keys.]

[THIS POOR GUY. He points to himself for a second. WH... Well. He does not remember anything important here, and Jan did not give me any romantic backstory so:]

Uh, yeah, I guess I am...?

[Snatching this poor man's woman right out from under him. He should be killed.]

[ Congratulations on you new girlfriend.

Bradley has stolen all of this guy's keys and also a fancy letter opener.

He won't miss it.

Back down to the second floor, can he hear the guards talking right outside it again? ]

[JASON. This woman does not know about Jason's real backstory, so she's sliding up to him while the poor idiot guy stares, appalled.]

Wh—this guy definitely isn't a catch either! He seems like the heartbreaker type!

[As for Bradley, yes. The guards are by the door again so he may have trouble getting back inside.]

[I THOUGHT THE STAIRS WENT DOWN TO THE FIRST FLOOR? WHAT KIND OF EMERGENCY EXIT IS THIS? HOW DO PEOPLE GET OUT?! I'm unfortunately not sure Jason realizes this. Godspeed, Bradley.]

Wow. I have a lot of respect for women, thanks.

[He's in this now, I guess. He offers the lady his elbow. How the shit will he get rid of her?!]

[ Jason you dumb slut.

Bradley goes down to the first floor and checks the guards there. If they sound like they're there he'll just go outside and wait.

Do I have money to get back into the museum or what.

I don't think they have cell phones so like. Figure out where to meet him. ]

[The first floor's emergency exit is... locked, for some reason. Dang, what kind of system is this. Bradley does not have a cellphone. People outside give him weird looks for coming down the emergency staircase. And he does not have money for the museum because, inconveniently, Jason was carrying all their money.

Meanwhile, the lady takes Jason's elbow while the poor idiot guy collapses to his knees, sobbing. The woman ignores him and looks at Jason admiringly.]

So, where to now?

[Imagine the first floor emergency exit being LOCKED during an EMERGENCY. Jan, this museum is not up to code?! JAN?! He hates crime so much he is going to call the authorities on this dude for his building when he gets out and Bradley tells him. (no)]

Downstairs. Let's look around. The name's Red.

[He thinks Bradley is going to come out the first floor emergency exit, but will find that isn't the case when he gets down there. Also, poor Ben gets to see him walking along with a woman instead of Bradley and probably be mad about it.]

[ Help!!! He's trapped out here with the keys and NO CASH.

Jason!!! ]

[Ben waves his arms indignantly like HELLO?? DID YOU FORGET???? Unfortunately, he can do nothing about it because he's stuck with his clock vessel.

Jason does not find Bradley on the first floor. The woman compliments his incredibly cool name of Red.

People in the front lobby or wherever Bradley's hanging around, broke, continue to give him weird looks. Meanwhile, poor idiot guy comes down to the front lobby, apparently intending to leave now that SOMEONE stole his DATE.]

[He forgot because it's memloss week apparently. No. Ben is waving at him and Bradley is probably also waving at him. IT'S FINE. HE IS LOOKING FOR BRADLEY WHILE ENTERTAINING THIS LADY ANYWAY.]

Well. It looks like my big brother [why is bradley older, but he took him in, he hates this] is stuck outside.

[Bradley, how did you get out there?! He leads the woman to the door but deposits her by it on the inside. Will this dude leaving try to shoot his shot again or something. I hope so.] Hold on. I need to get him back in really quick. [He's going to go see if he can pay to get Bradley back in.

Hope she hits on him when he's gay.]

[ The building isn't even up to code.

Please let him in, he has so many keys and absolutely no money FOR SOME REASON.

He is just waiting by the... Registers? How do museums work? Let him in. ]

[The dude is absolutely trying to shoot his shot again. At least it's keeping the woman distracted while Jason goes to buy another ticket for Bradley, who unfortunately has not yet proven his art nerd credentials and so she doesn't find him attractive.

People are whispering about this weirdo who brought a rifle to the museum.]

What's up, Big Bro? If you were any later, we might have missed our appointment for the gun.

[Bradley, your fucking NRA allegiance is going to get them in trouble. Jason is sticking to the story that the rifle is here to be donated, so everyone else can kiss their asses. He will be nice and pay for Bradley to get back in.

And he really watches this guy try again with the woman, wow. He may save her in a moment, but they have some keys to try first.]

What'd you find upstairs?

Ya know how the crowds get.

[ This is his magical artifact, even if it doesn't function magically right now. This gun goes with him everywhere.

Anyway, he goes in and pulls out the keys he's stolen somewhere discrete. ]

Buncha hoity-toity rich people shit and a ton of keys.

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