Well, I'm glad that you're having fun, then. [ amused.... they walk alongside the edge of the lazy river, hands behind their back, calm and graceful. ]
There is a funny pattern among your comrades - how excited they are to make play that they have switched identities. Curiously, this is the first time that it has happened to you.
It is done because you are told that you are too difficult - and there is something wryly amused to your smile when it is said. After all, not once did you ever suggest that you were a person who is easy to handle either.
Hearing your own thoughts reflected back to you is only proof of that.
You have committed a great act of defiance - you have told the humans of your mission. You have told them of your goal to keep history exactly as it is, and their role in it. You do not care for how you are criticized. Sometimes, they listen. Sometimes, they do not.
Either way - you will take care of it.
(But is that not the greatest tragedy of all? For human possibility to be relegated to something as finite as fate. And yet you have seen the tragedy that comes from when you deviate. You have seen how all of humanity might be made forfeit, if you prize one over the many.
That does not mean that your heart does not break.)
It is only when he begins to speak of your master that you feel something new. Ire. Your smile turns sharp, and you encourage him to stop.
. . .
But Higekiri continues to speak - and he talks of your master. Your master, who inspires this ache in your chest whenever you think of him. He was worried about you. Somehow, even when you strive to solve it all on your own, you manage to make trouble for others.
It is simply unfortunate - that that is not reason enough to get you to stop.
after the memory hits, jiji pauses. and then lets himself fall into the lazy river. goodbye.]
well, orion stops walking in the second before everything happens, so he gets a little bit ahead of them. it's only the splash of a sword wearing fancy silks that gets them to snap out of it. startled, they manage a - ] Mikazuki!
[ and then just give up and immediately wade into the water, uniform at all, to grab jiji so he doesn't drown himself on purpose and or on accident, getting their arms underneath him to pull him up if he'll let orion. ]
[ orion's pretty strong, at least, so they're able lift jiji and all of his everything up and bring him back to the side of the lazy river, where they sort of set him down and then step back.
the floaty bumps against their leg, as they are still standing in the water. it is a very stupid situation for everyone involved. truly incredible. ]
You - [ ... ] Would you rather me forget that I saw that...?
[ ... they manage to waddle out of the water now that they are also soaking wet, and reach into their infinity sleeve to pull out a small towel, offering it to jiji. the towel, somehow, is clean?
...
they're quiet, though, and what they say is: ]
...That... I agree with you. That a little light... perhaps that's better than no light at all.
[ speaking of light: orion barely gets the chance to process that memory along with jiji. maybe that's a good thing, because the shower of stardust hits out of nowhere, in a flash of light.
the emperor stares at you. he's got such a smooth voice - the kind of person who commands a room simply by existing. he is tall, broad shouldered and powerful, in the midst of crushing what he considers an uprising. you... in some manners, you are part of it, but in others, you've never belonged here. you're standing, your former disciple by your side, beaten black and blue, but the emperor pays that no mind, speaking as if you're having a friendly conversation, and not that this is the middle of what is basically a rebellion.
"--, do you want to return to the Upper Court?"
the question shocks you so much that you almost shout, what?! in response. it rocks your entire world.
he looks at you, and he smiles, "-- to belittle yourself in order to help others is no good habit. You must know, no one will thank you. You spent your entire life desiring to ascend. You desired a good position in the Upper Court, and to join the ranks within the Great Martial Hall. Even after -- made you such an embarrassment - his background accessory - you still endured it, and struggled to remain. Wasn't that because you wanted to stay here?
You belong here, but -- made a mess of everything; and easily robbed away everything that should've been yours. Who does he think he is? "
the emperor's words are like honey, and they continue. they talk about how stupid -- is. how he wasted the gift that you worked so hard for, just because he got it from birth. how you could do so much more than him. how much better than you could be. he says everything. reminds you that you're just an errand boy, now, waning crescent moon officer. an errand boy for a villain, in the emperor's eyes.
with a swish of his hand and a few convincing phrases, he offers you everything you've ever wanted. he finds all the weakest points of your personality, all the dark little things that you've hidden for so long - your resentment for -- that he's locked onto, that you've tried so hard to ignore. you stare at the emperor as he offers you this deal. your heart pounds.
you glance at your disciple. he looks stunned, weakened, but more than anything - heartbroken, as he stares at you. stupid, you think, stupid, stupid, stupid.
you confirm with the heavenly emperor it won't kill him if you take his power, first. it'll hurt him at first, but then, it'll be gone,, he says. a snap of the fingers, a moment of pain (for all the pain he caused you?) and it's a feeling of - it's a feeling of belonging. if you leave the side of the employer you've been working for, the one who undoes the heavens, and join the emperor, you'll have everything you've ever wanted.
and you are so pitiable. and weak. you're not a good person. you can't be.
... you agree.
and when you open your eyes again, you feel -
powerful, yes. powerful, an unbelievable rush of strength that you could have never considered in your plain, miserable lifetime. your disciple looks at you - he lets out a pitiful, howling noise - as you exude light, as you ask, slowly, around the complicated tangle of feelings in your chest, and look at your faintly shining hands. "...My master once said -- was born to ascend. His ability was gifted by the heavens. Is this the power bestowed by the heavens?"
the emperor agrees, smiling. "From now on, it's yours."
your heart is pounding in your chest, even still, as you stare at the emperor, adrenaline shock making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, powerful, incredible, and you look at your disciple.
and then you nod, slowly.
and then you turn to the emperor, and send a blast of incredibly powerful spiritual energy directly his way.
you throw another blow, you trap the emperor in a trap with this new energy, and then you get down and you grab your disciple and you put him on your back, because you're going back to your employer with this new power, and you're not going to let the emperor sway you over to his side. your employer can fix this. he'll put --'s unreasonable powers back, because you knew you could outsmart the emperor, by relying on this, by letting your darker demons win for just a second because it's just so goddamn believable (because it's true.)
the emperor sighs, now that your betrayal is obvious. he speaks, one last time, still calm. "What you're doing is certainly worthy of praise. A man of class. However, is this your true heart? You've endured, and aggrieved yourself for hundreds of years. Are you going to keep enduring? Do you not truly resent the one you are saving right now? Even if you don't resent him... do you not hate him?"
you stay silent.
-- is sniffling in your ear, crying, and clinging onto you for dear life. this dummy, he's always crying. he's always been a thorn in your side - the emperor keeps talking, about how you should hate him, don't you hate him, and you, you can't just - you turn back around and you roar - "SHUT UP!"
and once the words start coming, they don't stop. they're loud, at first, louder than you ever are. "My lord - my lord, why do you have to remind me of this?! Saying all of this like you actually understand me?! Yes, I hate him! But - so what!"
the anger in you recedes into something else, and you feel it ache in your chest, and you stop shouting, but the determination in your words stays as you stand your ground. " But I only - I only just wanted to hate him. That doesn't mean I have to hurt him. What's that "should have been mine?" Other than natural talent, there's nothing that belongs to anyone from birth. I don't want other people's possessions! I do want to return to the heavens, I do want to return to the top ten - but if I didn't manage that on my own, then it's completely meaningless.
If I'm unlucky, then I accept it! If I'm not as powerful as him, then at the very least, I can admit I'm not as powerful as him! Admitting that I can't compare is not that hard! "
...
as the memory ends, orion is left stunned, still reaching half into his sleeve to reach for out for another towel. ]
mikazuki smiles to himself as he thinks - and for a moment there is only silence. he begins to dry himself off with the towel, patting at his neck and hair. the fabrics are a mess but they'll also be tsurumaru's problem.
he nods along with no one in particular, before asking - ]
Your thoughts?
[mikazuki is simply curious, on what orion's thinking]
[and he says it with remarkable certainty, because he thinks there’s a distinction to be made here]
I do consider myself a somewhat private person… however, when my heart encounters something difficult, I do not shy away from the feeling. It is that which we might hide away the most that reveals what we could truly need.
[jiji feels everything, including the depths of his sadness. he just doesn’t like other people witnessing it]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Well, I'm glad that you're having fun, then. [ amused.... they walk alongside the edge of the lazy river, hands behind their back, calm and graceful. ]
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[until you get jumpscared by STARDUST -
”I’m a crescent moon at best.”
There is a funny pattern among your comrades - how excited they are to make play that they have switched identities. Curiously, this is the first time that it has happened to you.
It is done because you are told that you are too difficult - and there is something wryly amused to your smile when it is said. After all, not once did you ever suggest that you were a person who is easy to handle either.
Hearing your own thoughts reflected back to you is only proof of that.
You have committed a great act of defiance - you have told the humans of your mission. You have told them of your goal to keep history exactly as it is, and their role in it. You do not care for how you are criticized. Sometimes, they listen. Sometimes, they do not.
Either way - you will take care of it.
(But is that not the greatest tragedy of all? For human possibility to be relegated to something as finite as fate. And yet you have seen the tragedy that comes from when you deviate. You have seen how all of humanity might be made forfeit, if you prize one over the many.
That does not mean that your heart does not break.)
It is only when he begins to speak of your master that you feel something new. Ire. Your smile turns sharp, and you encourage him to stop.
. . .
But Higekiri continues to speak - and he talks of your master. Your master, who inspires this ache in your chest whenever you think of him. He was worried about you. Somehow, even when you strive to solve it all on your own, you manage to make trouble for others.
It is simply unfortunate - that that is not reason enough to get you to stop.
after the memory hits, jiji pauses. and then lets himself fall into the lazy river. goodbye.]
no subject
well, orion stops walking in the second before everything happens, so he gets a little bit ahead of them. it's only the splash of a sword wearing fancy silks that gets them to snap out of it. startled, they manage a - ] Mikazuki!
[ and then just give up and immediately wade into the water, uniform at all, to grab jiji so he doesn't drown himself on purpose and or on accident, getting their arms underneath him to pull him up if he'll let orion. ]
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he brings up a sleeve to weakly cough out chlorine water]
... ha ha ha.
[stop]
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the floaty bumps against their leg, as they are still standing in the water. it is a very stupid situation for everyone involved. truly incredible. ]
You - [ ... ] Would you rather me forget that I saw that...?
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drip drip drip.
he takes a moment to still, and then smile to himself]
It depends on what you would like to say about it.
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...
they're quiet, though, and what they say is: ]
...That... I agree with you. That a little light... perhaps that's better than no light at all.
[ speaking of light: orion barely gets the chance to process that memory along with jiji. maybe that's a good thing, because the shower of stardust hits out of nowhere, in a flash of light.
...
as the memory ends, orion is left stunned, still reaching half into his sleeve to reach for out for another towel. ]
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mikazuki smiles to himself as he thinks - and for a moment there is only silence. he begins to dry himself off with the towel, patting at his neck and hair. the fabrics are a mess but they'll also be tsurumaru's problem.
he nods along with no one in particular, before asking - ]
Your thoughts?
[mikazuki is simply curious, on what orion's thinking]
no subject
well.
they exhale, suddenly very tense, like they want to run away. ]
... [ a pause, there, that stretches. ] ... A little moment of light, I suppose, comes before a crushing darkness.
[ wow. bleak. ]
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and mikazuki just continues to pat himself down, letting his gaze turn to orion]
Do you believe yourself to be crushed?
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I was. Not long after.
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[ they rub the back of their neck. ]
Some things aren't meant to be spoken of.
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... I will not press upon the matters of fact.
Only those of your heart.
[so he's not really looking for more personal information, he's just curious about orion's feelings
which are the much worse type of personal information, really]
Do you consider yourself a difficult person, my friend?
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[ yeah feelings are worse! orion would rather die than talk about their feelings, actually!! ]
What do you mean?
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Those feelings in your heart... that might be harder to grasp.
Jealousy, fear, desperation...
Do you consider them difficult?
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uuughghghhghg. they shrink a little bit. ]
A motivator, perhaps. [ ... ] So. In some manner.
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... my crane is the same, you know.
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[ please talk about tsuru ]
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[high praise from the most beautiful sword in history,]
... and he makes play that if he is light-footed enough, then the emotions he does not care to look upon, will never touch him.
Even though it is those very same feelings that I believe add to his heart - and make him whole.
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[ orion says, quietly, glancing over at jiji from behind their veil. ]
I'm not so sure if I've ever been particularly light footed. [ they seem to be joking a little bit on themselves, at least. ]
Are you so different, Mikazuki? From your crane, in that regard.
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[and he says it with remarkable certainty, because he thinks there’s a distinction to be made here]
I do consider myself a somewhat private person… however, when my heart encounters something difficult, I do not shy away from the feeling. It is that which we might hide away the most that reveals what we could truly need.
[jiji feels everything, including the depths of his sadness. he just doesn’t like other people witnessing it]
… but you seem the type that might wish to run.