AUDIENCE FOR: Lup

[guestservices]

mostly void, partially stars.

❤

Comments

week 5, saturday

[guestservices]

[lup rings the bell, and out of the shadows comes gemini who greets her with a bow.]

Good evening, Lup.

[evocationary]

[she is just sitting on the floor.]

... Hi. [a long pause.] Hi.

[she doesn't know what to say.]

[guestservices]

...hi. [she is on the floor, and they kind of assess this.] Would you like to go sit down somewhere not the floor...?

[evocationary]

[she's just a whirlwind of things - she's not even sure how she feels.]

Uh - yeah. Sure. I don't, uh. I don't know where. [she rubs at her face.]

[guestservices]

Wherever. We could also go and sit out on the patio in the courtyard if you'd prefer. It doesn't have to be very far.

[just maybe not out in the open on the floor if she wants somewhere to decompress.]

[evocationary]

Okay. Yeah. Outside is... outside is okay.

[can she have their hand...]

[guestservices]

Come along, then. [she may have their hand, and they will pull her to her feet to begin leading her out.] Tea might help.

[which is to say, they head out to the patio and have a seat while gemini orders tea for the two of them.]

Something to wind down after a long day.

[evocationary]

[she follows them quietly, holding their hand tightly enough to cut off circulation.]

Jesus. I'm fucking dizzy. [she says, finally, curling up in her chair.]

[guestservices]

[that's fine, they have two hands. lup curls up in her chair and gemini grabs their tea, sliding a cup to her. it's probably like peppermint.]

Take a few breaths, Lup. It's alright.

[evocationary]

I know it is. [she says, holding the tea. but she does breathe.]

Sorry. One of these Saturdays I won't be dying when I come to see you.

[guestservices]

Understandable. It's been...a very strenuous weekend. Three bodies, possession running wild. It isn't easy.

[evocationary]

It was easier on the station. Maybe it's - maybe it's because I knew the answers? Or maybe because I wasn't the one solving things. I don't know.

This feels so fucking high stakes, every week. And it's worse when people know there's a chance someone could be saved, and - and it doesn't happen.

[guestservices]

Or perhaps you hadn't had the opportunity to get as close to people as you have, here. I believe the Avatars were in a similar position as we are as staff, where your participants could choose whether or not they spoken to you, but you couldn't always speak to them.

[. . .]

You cannot hold yourself personally responsible for not being able to save everyone, Lup.

[evocationary]

[she pulls her knees to her chest. that's a lot to think about, and she doesn't know how to reply with... words, and not feelings.

so instead she's silent for a second, and then:]

Do you think I treat people like it's a game to get to know them? Like - do you think I'm putting coins in you to earn your friendship?

[guestservices]

[...]

This...is a different conversation. Why do you ask?

[evocationary]

Someone said it to me and it stuck.

[she doesn't want to talk about how she feels responsible for the entire game so it's this instead.]

[guestservices]

I think...truthfully, I'm a very bad person to ask that kind of question.

[evocationary]

[... a little sigh.]

Okay. [she doesn't have the energy to press or do double speak. she just stares down at her tea.]

[guestservices]

...it is simply because our circumstances are very different, Lup. Even if you didn't know me, I knew you very well. I knew how to talk to you, how you might think, things that make you happy and things that make you sad. You never had to earn anything with me because you already had it despite not realizing it.

With other people, however, I think...it's something I've learned before. That not everyone will react the same to my approaches to befriending them. I've had people grow quite angry with me and refuse to speak to me, only for us to have to speak again and find a way to reconcile after a tragic event. From there, I tried to speak less and listen more until they were willing to tell me more to help me understand. I think it was the only way to be successful in that case.

...the point is, it doesn't really matter what I have to say I think because my opinion is an outlier. I think some people would say I'm a people person, but there were still others who found me insufferable. I had to find a way to learn to really understand them.

[evocationary]

[she brings a hand up to rub at her eye almost frustratedly.]

I don't care what other people think about me. [and that's true. there are some that matter, but.] But I don't want to be the kind of person that isn't genuine. Bad or not.

[guestservices]

[they think on this for a moment.]

What do you suppose makes a genuine person? Or a genuine action, rather.

[evocationary]

I don't know. I'm not a philosopher. [she says, quietly.] Just not being fake. That's, uh. That's all I can manage.

[she pulls in a little further on herself.]

[guestservices]

It's not really a philosophical question. I mean more like...for you. What do you consider someone being genuine? How can you tell if a person you're talking to is for real or not?

[evocationary]

It - it kind of is, I don't know. If they... if they reach out, I guess. Or if they show something they wouldn't with me.

[guestservices]

Moments of vulnerability, then. [they think about this quietly.] I suppose that does make sense. A sign of trying to trust and gauging.