Or perhaps you hadn't had the opportunity to get as close to people as you have, here. I believe the Avatars were in a similar position as we are as staff, where your participants could choose whether or not they spoken to you, but you couldn't always speak to them.
[. . .]
You cannot hold yourself personally responsible for not being able to save everyone, Lup.
...it is simply because our circumstances are very different, Lup. Even if you didn't know me, I knew you very well. I knew how to talk to you, how you might think, things that make you happy and things that make you sad. You never had to earn anything with me because you already had it despite not realizing it.
With other people, however, I think...it's something I've learned before. That not everyone will react the same to my approaches to befriending them. I've had people grow quite angry with me and refuse to speak to me, only for us to have to speak again and find a way to reconcile after a tragic event. From there, I tried to speak less and listen more until they were willing to tell me more to help me understand. I think it was the only way to be successful in that case.
...the point is, it doesn't really matter what I have to say I think because my opinion is an outlier. I think some people would say I'm a people person, but there were still others who found me insufferable. I had to find a way to learn to really understand them.
[she brings a hand up to rub at her eye almost frustratedly.]
I don't care what other people think about me. [and that's true. there are some that matter, but.] But I don't want to be the kind of person that isn't genuine. Bad or not.
It's not really a philosophical question. I mean more like...for you. What do you consider someone being genuine? How can you tell if a person you're talking to is for real or not?
You aren't a bad person, Lup. But people aren't always easy either. I think you know that, too. You'll figure out how to talk to those people sooner or later because you're too stubborn to quit.
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guestservices) wrote2022-06-09 12:18 pm
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Sorry. One of these Saturdays I won't be dying when I come to see you.
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This feels so fucking high stakes, every week. And it's worse when people know there's a chance someone could be saved, and - and it doesn't happen.
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[. . .]
You cannot hold yourself personally responsible for not being able to save everyone, Lup.
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so instead she's silent for a second, and then:]
Do you think I treat people like it's a game to get to know them? Like - do you think I'm putting coins in you to earn your friendship?
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This...is a different conversation. Why do you ask?
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[she doesn't want to talk about how she feels responsible for the entire game so it's this instead.]
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Okay. [she doesn't have the energy to press or do double speak. she just stares down at her tea.]
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With other people, however, I think...it's something I've learned before. That not everyone will react the same to my approaches to befriending them. I've had people grow quite angry with me and refuse to speak to me, only for us to have to speak again and find a way to reconcile after a tragic event. From there, I tried to speak less and listen more until they were willing to tell me more to help me understand. I think it was the only way to be successful in that case.
...the point is, it doesn't really matter what I have to say I think because my opinion is an outlier. I think some people would say I'm a people person, but there were still others who found me insufferable. I had to find a way to learn to really understand them.
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I don't care what other people think about me. [and that's true. there are some that matter, but.] But I don't want to be the kind of person that isn't genuine. Bad or not.
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What do you suppose makes a genuine person? Or a genuine action, rather.
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[she pulls in a little further on herself.]
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How long did it take for people at the station to trust you? Your fellow Avatars included. [there is a point.]
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I get the point you're making.
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Thanks, Gemini.
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Of course. I mean it. [so don't think otherwise.]