[she groans at the joke, but she's amused. she's quiet for a moment, though. thinking? she's thinking about all of the conversations they've had and also about the one time that she told him he doesn't love her to his face
gently pushes that one aside anyway]
... I'm sorry. [is what she settles on, because - she desperately doesn't want him to have to do this.]
[ it's fine he also hasn't been thinking about that for weeks, probably
anyway. when she apologizes, whatever else aquila wanted to say falls to the wayside too. they're quiet for a beat. ]
... hold on.
[ is all the warning she gets, at first, before - shadows consume them both!
... and they're on the floor of lup's room instead of the lobby. it's a little more private this way. talk about a role reversal, huh? before he says anything else, he glances around briefly, voice losing some of that gravel affect. ] ...I can't talk for long, and this has to stay.
[ yep. he doesn't wince under there but does, mentally. ]
I can guess.
[ ... but it doesn't change it, any.
but, aquila's tone softens a little, and more humbly, he adds -]
... thank you, anyway. [ so there's that, at least, accepting the apology for what it is. ] It's... well. I don't have to tell you how it feels, to be the one that watches.
[a pause, and she can't help herself. she reaches for his hands, holding them tightly, biting her bottom lip. last weekend sucked so much, and there's this and who she needs to protect and who she might need to kill, and she swallows a bit hard.]
It sucks. [she says, quietly.] Being on this side is worse. I don't know how you managed.
he lets her take his hands - cold as a corpse, like always- and squeezes them. the affection week is a nice cover, anyway, and it lets him pull her hands up under the veil, so she can feel it when he kisses her knuckles, then lowers them back afterwards. ]
I know. [ god, doesn’t he. ] That’s the whole point of these places, no matter what side you’re on.
[her ear flicks when he kisses her knuckles, and she just holds her breath for a second because if she doesn't she will cry and she WILL NOT CRY. no crying.]
I don't know what to do anymore. I thought it'd be okay to avoid killing someone, but the longer we go, the more I start to think I'm wrong.
[ don't cry he'll shrivel up and die. probably. who is this again, who knows.
... he keeps a hold on her hands, for now. ]
... Harrow didn't do it easy. [ is first. aquila is calm, his words carrying gravity, but there's marked emotion there, too. ] She's dealing with the consequences of it, right now. You saw them. I think you've felt them, too.
[ see them, really. aquila's not talking about harrow's face, here. he's quiet for a moment, like he's trying to pick what to say - careful with his words, like always. the consequences of choices, like forty people's lives for one other. ]
...There are things I can encourage, and things I can't. I can tell you to make your own decisions, and that whatever path you choose is your path to choose. You have a fifty-fifty chance at your disposal that no one else has, and you have people you could lean on, if you did it. They'd do for you what you were doing for Harrow.
[ because, you know, he saw you pocket a bunch of evidence, ma'am. aquila reaches out, again - this time, tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. ] If you walk down that path, then you don't have to walk it alone.
...I wish I could walk it with you. [ quieter, a little more frustrated. ] But I can't.
[she nods a little, finally, and she can't look up, because she's only just barely keeping herself together. she holds his hands tightly, jaw working as she stubbornly pushes the upset and anxiety away from her. no. be stronger.
it's about what you can live with.
her ear flicks, when he tucks her hair behind it.]
I want you to be safe. [she says, finally, voice cracking just a little.] No matter what happens, even if I do this or I don't do it, whatever.
I don't know what's going on here, but I'm going to fix it.
[ ugghghh. he - laughs, just once, softly, lets her hold his hand as tight as she likes. ]
My hero.
[ who's the damsel in distress, now? who knows. his fingers twitch when her voice cracks, thumb stroking against the side of her hand, and he drops his other hand again. ] ... You have to know I feel the same.
[ about lup's safety, of course - there's a little matching vulnerability there, too. it's a short response, but it says a lot more about how he feels about her potential plans than anything else. that's what matters.
aquila doesn't have anything to say about fixing it, but, maybe that isn't surprising. a little lighter, then, a little more joking to cope, as you do: ] All of you are giving me gray hair.
[she knows that much, at least. love is one thing, and she's stupid about all that - but she knows he cares. and she cares about him. enough that this makes her heart ache. it was desperately scary to watch him navigate the station. she can only imagine it must be rough to watch her try.
he jokes, though, and she can't really help herself. the affection week is too strong. she moves forward and hugs him very, very tightly, hiding her face against his shoulder.]
maybe it's luckier, still, that "aquila" seems to be a very affectionate, easy person. aquila seeks out touch. aquila offers it, in moments where it wasn't wanted - or, was, if anyone could really know.
so when she hugs him, he stills for a moment - typical - and then just slides his arms around her and hugs her back, relaxing into the hold. his head tilts, enough that his cheek presses against the top of her head, and he takes a deep breath, one she can probably feel, and then turns his head to kiss the top of her hair through the fabric of the veil, closes his eyes, and just stays like that, holding on like a lifeline. a little snatch of time. another little peach blossom spring. ]
[she has the image in her mind, for sure - the landscape, with the trees gently rocking in the wind. she thinks about being curled up in her room with him, listening, and knowing it couldn't last. knowing what she was doing was the flame that was going to make that spring burn away in a flash of smoke. they only have a little bit of time.
he kisses the top of her head, and she clings to the back of his uniform and hunches her shoulders up. hides her face. if the front of his uniform gets a little damp, if she hiccups once or twice in trying to stifle herself, she's pretending it's otherwise.]
unfortunately for everyone probably aquila is freshly medicated and does not miss any of that - even if he wasn't, he'd still feel the way his uniform's getting damp, the way her posture changes. his does, too - a gloved hand comes up, the soft clack of metal hitting wood now more obvious as he threads a hand in the back of her hair and holds her there.
he lets lup have the dignity of crying quietly at least, even if he's internally vibrating. mostly because there's a reason for it, and he's going to have to drop this, soon, and - well, there's a good way to start, right? to be "aquila", to be...
...
he can't see her face, which is good. she can't see his, which is better. the quiet stretches. a minute, two, three of letting lup compose herself (and maybe, composing himself, too) and then, his voice, soft if a little rougher, murmured into her hair. ] ... I love you, you know.
[she takes her couple of minutes. it doesn't feel like enough, but it has to do, for now. she can't do this around other people. they need her, so she can be like this for just... just a little while. and then she has to straighten, and she has to lift her head, and she has to keep going. this is her responsibility.
she doesn't know what to say to that, though. when he tells her. his hand in her hair, the familiar sound of his bracelet, the way his grip feels so familiar. the words came so easy. like he means it.
he has to, but the thing is - he can't, she thinks. he's already suffering enough, here. he doesn't need her suffering, too. he doesn't need all the burdens that come with it, not when he can't even show her his face.
... she's weak, though. even though she wants to answer you shouldn't, she just exhales, voice wet and cracking:]
[ he's going to shake you like a maraca you dumb fucking elf
there's like a brief moment of tension after he says it, because - well. it's hard. as fully covered as he is, it feels like he's stripped naked and run down the entire hotel, putting his whole entire life on display for the world to see.
lup saying it back makes it feel like there's a lump in his throat, when he hears how miserable her voice sounds - his grip tightens, a little, and lup can feel him breathe out, a little jittery, but no less sincere. maybe that makes it even more sincere.
...
his fingers stroke through her hair, and he doesn't let go. ]
Y'know. [ his voice picks it up again - that gravelly little rumble in his voice that's just off, that made it sound unrecognizable. he's always been a good liar, hasn't he? ]
I'm [ emphasis on "i'm", so much it sounds like its in quotes. ] pretty good at comforting people.
[ it's
so funny because he's been so bad at it this entire time. he's been especially bad about it with lup, maybe, because he's been so desperately trying. this is a little layered. ] ...So. If you feel like 'm doing a good job at that, don't see why you can't stay for a little bit.
his voice shifts, and she feels a little empty, for a second. okay. that's the cue, that's the tell that she has to go back to pretending she doesn't know who he is. it makes her feel ill. this whole place does. she shakes her head to clear it, and takes a deep breath.]
[ whatever works. he doesn't move, just letting lup stay tucked against him, taking a deep breath. in, and out. right. aquila's good at this, anyway.
quietly, a little lighter - murmured in his normal voice against her hair, with a little spark of mischief to it. ] The bleach in your dye put me down for an hour. [ his NOSE ] Well deserved, I think. I do like it, though.
[ he reaches up, absently, pulls his fingers through the orange at the ends. coming close makes the chill from his hands as obvious as ever. chill of death, right... ] It suits you.
[ a fire all her own, and all. ]
Lup, how did... [ aquila has questions, actually, but - he pauses, opening his mouth, and then closes it. ] Probably not important. [ you know. maybe he doesn't want to know. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guestservices) wrote2022-06-09 12:18 pm
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[she groans at the joke, but she's amused. she's quiet for a moment, though. thinking? she's thinking about all of the conversations they've had and also about the one time that she told him he doesn't love her to his face
gently pushes that one aside anyway]
... I'm sorry. [is what she settles on, because - she desperately doesn't want him to have to do this.]
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anyway. when she apologizes, whatever else aquila wanted to say falls to the wayside too. they're quiet for a beat. ]
... hold on.
[ is all the warning she gets, at first, before - shadows consume them both!
... and they're on the floor of lup's room instead of the lobby. it's a little more private this way. talk about a role reversal, huh? before he says anything else, he glances around briefly, voice losing some of that gravel affect. ] ...I can't talk for long, and this has to stay.
[ the veil, anyway.
there's another pause.
... ] ...I'd rather it be me. [ so. ]
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she... nods, expression worried, at that first part. but the rest of it has her face turning sour, like he probably imagined it would.]
You can guess what I'm going to say about that, my dude.
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I can guess.
[ ... but it doesn't change it, any.
but, aquila's tone softens a little, and more humbly, he adds -]
... thank you, anyway. [ so there's that, at least, accepting the apology for what it is. ] It's... well. I don't have to tell you how it feels, to be the one that watches.
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It sucks. [she says, quietly.] Being on this side is worse. I don't know how you managed.
[...] I'm sick of feeling helpless, Z-- Aquila.
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he lets her take his hands - cold as a corpse, like always- and squeezes them. the affection week is a nice cover, anyway, and it lets him pull her hands up under the veil, so she can feel it when he kisses her knuckles, then lowers them back afterwards. ]
I know. [ god, doesn’t he. ] That’s the whole point of these places, no matter what side you’re on.
Talk to me about it.
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I don't know what to do anymore. I thought it'd be okay to avoid killing someone, but the longer we go, the more I start to think I'm wrong.
Harrow did it so easy. I should be able to.
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... he keeps a hold on her hands, for now. ]
... Harrow didn't do it easy. [ is first. aquila is calm, his words carrying gravity, but there's marked emotion there, too. ] She's dealing with the consequences of it, right now. You saw them. I think you've felt them, too.
[ see them, really. aquila's not talking about harrow's face, here. he's quiet for a moment, like he's trying to pick what to say - careful with his words, like always. the consequences of choices, like forty people's lives for one other. ]
...There are things I can encourage, and things I can't. I can tell you to make your own decisions, and that whatever path you choose is your path to choose. You have a fifty-fifty chance at your disposal that no one else has, and you have people you could lean on, if you did it. They'd do for you what you were doing for Harrow.
[ because, you know, he saw you pocket a bunch of evidence, ma'am. aquila reaches out, again - this time, tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. ] If you walk down that path, then you don't have to walk it alone.
...I wish I could walk it with you. [ quieter, a little more frustrated. ] But I can't.
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it's about what you can live with.
her ear flicks, when he tucks her hair behind it.]
I want you to be safe. [she says, finally, voice cracking just a little.] No matter what happens, even if I do this or I don't do it, whatever.
I don't know what's going on here, but I'm going to fix it.
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My hero.
[ who's the damsel in distress, now? who knows. his fingers twitch when her voice cracks, thumb stroking against the side of her hand, and he drops his other hand again. ] ... You have to know I feel the same.
[ about lup's safety, of course - there's a little matching vulnerability there, too. it's a short response, but it says a lot more about how he feels about her potential plans than anything else. that's what matters.
aquila doesn't have anything to say about fixing it, but, maybe that isn't surprising. a little lighter, then, a little more joking to cope, as you do: ] All of you are giving me gray hair.
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he jokes, though, and she can't really help herself. the affection week is too strong. she moves forward and hugs him very, very tightly, hiding her face against his shoulder.]
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maybe it's luckier, still, that "aquila" seems to be a very affectionate, easy person. aquila seeks out touch. aquila offers it, in moments where it wasn't wanted - or, was, if anyone could really know.
so when she hugs him, he stills for a moment - typical - and then just slides his arms around her and hugs her back, relaxing into the hold. his head tilts, enough that his cheek presses against the top of her head, and he takes a deep breath, one she can probably feel, and then turns his head to kiss the top of her hair through the fabric of the veil, closes his eyes, and just stays like that, holding on like a lifeline. a little snatch of time. another little peach blossom spring. ]
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he kisses the top of her head, and she clings to the back of his uniform and hunches her shoulders up. hides her face. if the front of his uniform gets a little damp, if she hiccups once or twice in trying to stifle herself, she's pretending it's otherwise.]
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unfortunately for everyone probably aquila is freshly medicated and does not miss any of that - even if he wasn't, he'd still feel the way his uniform's getting damp, the way her posture changes. his does, too - a gloved hand comes up, the soft clack of metal hitting wood now more obvious as he threads a hand in the back of her hair and holds her there.
he lets lup have the dignity of crying quietly at least, even if he's internally vibrating. mostly because there's a reason for it, and he's going to have to drop this, soon, and - well, there's a good way to start, right? to be "aquila", to be...
...
he can't see her face, which is good. she can't see his, which is better. the quiet stretches. a minute, two, three of letting lup compose herself (and maybe, composing himself, too) and then, his voice, soft if a little rougher, murmured into her hair. ] ... I love you, you know.
[ and means it. ]
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she doesn't know what to say to that, though. when he tells her. his hand in her hair, the familiar sound of his bracelet, the way his grip feels so familiar. the words came so easy. like he means it.
he has to, but the thing is - he can't, she thinks. he's already suffering enough, here. he doesn't need her suffering, too. he doesn't need all the burdens that come with it, not when he can't even show her his face.
... she's weak, though. even though she wants to answer you shouldn't, she just exhales, voice wet and cracking:]
I love you, too.
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there's like a brief moment of tension after he says it, because - well. it's hard. as fully covered as he is, it feels like he's stripped naked and run down the entire hotel, putting his whole entire life on display for the world to see.
lup saying it back makes it feel like there's a lump in his throat, when he hears how miserable her voice sounds - his grip tightens, a little, and lup can feel him breathe out, a little jittery, but no less sincere. maybe that makes it even more sincere.
...
his fingers stroke through her hair, and he doesn't let go. ]
Y'know. [ his voice picks it up again - that gravelly little rumble in his voice that's just off, that made it sound unrecognizable. he's always been a good liar, hasn't he? ]
I'm [ emphasis on "i'm", so much it sounds like its in quotes. ] pretty good at comforting people.
[ it's
so funny because he's been so bad at it this entire time. he's been especially bad about it with lup, maybe, because he's been so desperately trying. this is a little layered. ] ...So. If you feel like 'm doing a good job at that, don't see why you can't stay for a little bit.
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his voice shifts, and she feels a little empty, for a second. okay. that's the cue, that's the tell that she has to go back to pretending she doesn't know who he is. it makes her feel ill. this whole place does. she shakes her head to clear it, and takes a deep breath.]
Sure. Sure, um. Yeah.
[...] Whatever works.
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quietly, a little lighter - murmured in his normal voice against her hair, with a little spark of mischief to it. ] The bleach in your dye put me down for an hour. [ his NOSE ] Well deserved, I think. I do like it, though.
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[she says, after a moment, with a little huff.]
It looks good. I do like it - I might try and keep it this way for a while.
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[ he reaches up, absently, pulls his fingers through the orange at the ends. coming close makes the chill from his hands as obvious as ever. chill of death, right... ] It suits you.
[ a fire all her own, and all. ]
Lup, how did... [ aquila has questions, actually, but - he pauses, opening his mouth, and then closes it. ] Probably not important. [ you know. maybe he doesn't want to know. ]
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she shivers, when he runs his fingers through her hair, really reluctant to let go. she wants to warm his hands up.]
Sometimes things just click. [she says, after a moment.] That's all.
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[ the way he says this is
just very dead inside. like, if you didn't know him, it might have just sounded curious, but aquila sounds very, very dead inside
things sure have just clicked with someone too bad they clicked really wrong ]
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she - okay, look, she can't help it, she snorts.]
That sounds like something that is none of my business, but I really want it to be.
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Hey, nah, what can I say. No trouble for this bird in this very, very. Very large paradise.
[ gazes into the sun ]
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listen. she had such a fuckin' slap in the face with gemini, she's allowed to think it's funny when other people are duped.]
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