[that actually makes them feel both better and worse, but they're doing fuckall to pull away and they mull it over.]
...I still have no idea what to do in this last week. [a pause.] Every time I talk to Clem it sort of feels like we're even further apart than the last time we talked. People I know aren't the same, and even though I know they are at their core I still don't know how to do the right thing when I have to be someone else.
[and there's another pause.]
...never mind, this isn't...["your problem."] One more week.
... She mentioned she found it hard to talk while you were like this. [ it was brief, and he'd worried about it, but wasn't sure how to bring it up ] But she never found it that easy to speak to even her Leader, as far as I know, and Rabbit didn't have the same baggage. So you're both holding back. That might be the distance you feel.
[ he doesn't know clem enough to say that's why for sure, but he thinks that's probably. it? it is a guess. as for the rest... ]
... You say that like this stuff happening won't bug you past this week. [ with a frown ]
I know. We used to argue a little about talking to you guys. She always felt like she was bothering the Leaders, but I don't think it's the same thing here. But maybe that's it.
[it is, a little. but that's just another problem on top of everything else.]
It probably won't bug me past this week because everybody will be out of here. It completes the cycle and whatever.
... Maybe not. But I didn't start us on the topic because it'd annoy me if you talked about it. [ he looks at sora with a raised eyebrow ] I think I make it pretty obvious when I'm bothered.
Considering the amount of times you tried to walk away from me mid-sentence, yeah. You do. [dumb bitch. both of them. but they're still pressed into cloud's shoulder and should maybe move, but...they sigh.]
...it feels dumb to complain when it boils down to "I'm sad about circumstances I'm in." Like...that's everyone. But even if I don't know how, I'm still in a position I can try to make things better. We've had this conversation a lot though.
[squishing meow wow's cheeks, and the baby sort of whines.[
Probably in a different way you've dealt with. But... I didn't know or remember anything about who I was. There's bound to be differences there. Getting everything back at the end felt... weird. Like some of it didn't fit anymore.
[ this is more because of his hilarious amnesiaception issues, but it did have that feeling even without it. ]
... You can't go through stuff like that without changing a little. No one stays the same forever. [ it's idle, but he's tightening his hold a little again ] ... Having to be whoever you are here probably muddles that up more.
I know. [and they do? they do reasonably know that, and maybe that's why they feel like this whole...everything is dumb to worry about.]
...I have the worst headache. [which is probably code for "i am so fucking tired of having to pretend to be this dude i'm not and keep all of the facts and information straight.] But I'll figure something out. Pretty sure everybody will, whatever that means for them.
... We've got the advantage of not having to figure it all out on our own. [ he is implying sora does not have that. he looks up at the ceiling ] It's normal. Being afraid you've changed for the worst.
You have a point. And that's what I've been trying to tell people. You guys need to worry about you, and we'll keep doing what we need to do as staff. You can all work together to figure everything out.
[cloud looks at the ceiling. meow wow is half-sprawled on both of them now because he's so large. and gemini looks at their hands while petting him.]
...what do you think that chances are of going back to the way things were if something or someone changed?
... Depends on the change and how things were. [ he's pensive ] Some things... you can't go back from. Like when you lost your island. It's back, but things are different now. Right? But when it comes to yourself...
You're the one who gets to decide who you are. Even if things change you, you can decide how you deal with that change. [ he hums, a little ] ... Nowhere to go but forward.
[there's a long bit of silence to that. judging by the way their breathing seems to even out and they aren't moving, it could almost seem like maybe they flat-out fell asleep.
but no. they're just...absorbing that.]
...you've gotten better at the motivational speech thing. [a very gentle tease, but...it helps. it helps to hear their own sentiments reflected back at them, sometimes, when they're lost in their own thoughts and problems.] Nowhere but forward. I know.
[cloud can have one iota of positivity because this is sora who bounces back...slower, sometimes, these days, but usually remains positive.]
Secret's safe with me. [hehe.] But anybody who really cares about the world the way you make him sound has to be good at them by now. I'll just have to tell him about how you did your best to give a good one instead.
[where did the red plushie go. they're going to grab it to set in cloud's lap. safety :)]
Don't tell him that, either. [ sora!! don't doxx him!! he moves the red plushie a little so meow wow doesn't try to lick that, too, but keeps it nearby ]
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[ he tilts his head. he might not see the face Gemini is making but he can feel the petulance, so; ]
But what? You gonna tell me you wouldn't make the same argument if you were on this side instead?
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I mean maybe I'd make the same argument, but...it's still different, Cloud.
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... They're different circumstances. I'm not denying that. Doesn't mean you can't still feel like shit about them.
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...okay. Then...I do. I really, really do. [for a multitude of reasons, but they let that sit for the time being.]
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[ but he's glad they're at least saying that much, tightening his hold on them for a second ]
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...I still have no idea what to do in this last week. [a pause.] Every time I talk to Clem it sort of feels like we're even further apart than the last time we talked. People I know aren't the same, and even though I know they are at their core I still don't know how to do the right thing when I have to be someone else.
[and there's another pause.]
...never mind, this isn't...["your problem."] One more week.
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[ he doesn't know clem enough to say that's why for sure, but he thinks that's probably. it? it is a guess. as for the rest... ]
... You say that like this stuff happening won't bug you past this week. [ with a frown ]
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[it is, a little. but that's just another problem on top of everything else.]
It probably won't bug me past this week because everybody will be out of here. It completes the cycle and whatever.
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[ which is probably a depressing notion actually this doesn't help ]
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[all squeenix protags need therapy, news at 11.]
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...it feels dumb to complain when it boils down to "I'm sad about circumstances I'm in." Like...that's everyone. But even if I don't know how, I'm still in a position I can try to make things better. We've had this conversation a lot though.
[squishing meow wow's cheeks, and the baby sort of whines.[
...can I ask you something kinda stupid?
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[ despite the joke...he really does get that feeling, wow! it turns out being an npc fucking sucks. wild. he looks down at the whining meow wow ]
Go ahead. I'll tell you if it's stupid.
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Did Wolf ever feel like a different person than who you actually are?
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[ he's pensive about it ]
Probably in a different way you've dealt with. But... I didn't know or remember anything about who I was. There's bound to be differences there. Getting everything back at the end felt... weird. Like some of it didn't fit anymore.
[ this is more because of his hilarious amnesiaception issues, but it did have that feeling even without it. ]
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I know who I am. But I don't know how much has changed since coming here. [the disconnect is real.] It feels...harder to talk to people sometimes.
[and that's terrifying considering who they usually are.]
But that's it. Like some of it doesn't fit anymore.
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ha. ha ha ha.]
I know. [and they do? they do reasonably know that, and maybe that's why they feel like this whole...everything is dumb to worry about.]
...I have the worst headache. [which is probably code for "i am so fucking tired of having to pretend to be this dude i'm not and keep all of the facts and information straight.] But I'll figure something out. Pretty sure everybody will, whatever that means for them.
[of the guests, at least.]
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[ it's a light tease. ]
... We've got the advantage of not having to figure it all out on our own. [ he is implying sora does not have that. he looks up at the ceiling ] It's normal. Being afraid you've changed for the worst.
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You have a point. And that's what I've been trying to tell people. You guys need to worry about you, and we'll keep doing what we need to do as staff. You can all work together to figure everything out.
[cloud looks at the ceiling. meow wow is half-sprawled on both of them now because he's so large. and gemini looks at their hands while petting him.]
...what do you think that chances are of going back to the way things were if something or someone changed?
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You're the one who gets to decide who you are. Even if things change you, you can decide how you deal with that change. [ he hums, a little ] ... Nowhere to go but forward.
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but no. they're just...absorbing that.]
...you've gotten better at the motivational speech thing. [a very gentle tease, but...it helps. it helps to hear their own sentiments reflected back at them, sometimes, when they're lost in their own thoughts and problems.] Nowhere but forward. I know.
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[ a little wry in response, shrugging a shoulder. ]
... When you meet him, you can't tell him I said that, but Barret's pretty decent at them.
[ when instead of if. let him be positive ONCE ]
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Secret's safe with me. [hehe.] But anybody who really cares about the world the way you make him sound has to be good at them by now. I'll just have to tell him about how you did your best to give a good one instead.
[where did the red plushie go. they're going to grab it to set in cloud's lap. safety :)]
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