AUDIENCE FOR: Sheila Hammond

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Comments

week 2, monday

[guestservices]

[as usual, the shadows eventually part and gemini steps out of them before glancing at the book and the coffee.]

Good evening, Mrs. Hammond. How may I be of service?

[toesies]

[Sheila gestures at the book.]

If it's not your thing, you can regift it to the next person who leaves a mess for you to clean.

[Smash cut to the employee lounge and the gift shop... anyway--]

Can the other staff tune in while a guest is talking to any one of you?

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Thank you, I'll cherish the thought. [dryly.]

They can if they so choose, but more often than not they do not listen to my conversations. Why do you ask?

[toesies]

[A small shrug.]

Weeeeell, I want to get a second opinion on what's appropriate for your buddies without them getting totally offended. And you seemed like the most responsible one in the group.

[guestservices]

Unsurprising. It is part of my job to be aware of the staff's temperaments and more. You're looking for tip ideas then?

[toesies]

Kinda? I mean, yeah. I mean, it's just, back in the station? I took people out for drinks all the time. We were all adults. It was fine. But what if here, I accidentally do shots with a 12-year-old? And there's no teenager in the world who will say no if offered alcohol.

[guestservices]

We're employed in a murder hotel and your concern is accidentally potentially giving a child a taste of alcohol...?

[toesies]

You gotta pick your battles. Like not letting your kid skip school even though you might all go to jail for murder one day.

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[..............................

very, very quietly:]

I believe I have a very misguided understanding of parenting, in that case.

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[She nods, like she's imparting important knowledge here.]

Parenting is no joke. One day, if you have kids of your own, you're going to call me and tell me how hard it is to prioritize after your kid commits a federal crime and nearly gets arrested by the FBI. And I'll just be like mhmm, now you get me.

[guestservices]

[you ever read a tag and then forget it's yours.]

I'm very certain that I will never have kids, Mrs. Hammond, but thank you for the advice. I think.

[toesies]

Fair enough. But you never know when you might spontaneously acquire a baby. So I think it's good advice.

[guestservices]

...I feel the need to ask if this is something that's happened to you before.

[toesies]

Believe it or not, no. But we did end up babysitting someone's mutant spider ball for a while because because she couldn't take him on the place after 9-11, if that counts.

[guestservices]

That really, absolutely does not count and now I have even more concerns than I previously started with, actually.

[toesies]

Hey, Mr. Ball Legs is a delight.

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Mister. Ball. Legs?

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Mr. Ball Legs.

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I have to ask, did he already come with that name or...?

[toesies]

[She nods.]

Ramona named him! It's a really fitting name, she's a smart cookie. I even named my own Mr. Ball Legs after him.

[guestservices]

Why are there more of them? Who allowed them to multiply?