AUDIENCE FOR: Sheila Hammond

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Comments

[toesies]

You gotta pick your battles. Like not letting your kid skip school even though you might all go to jail for murder one day.

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[..............................

very, very quietly:]

I believe I have a very misguided understanding of parenting, in that case.

[toesies]

[She nods, like she's imparting important knowledge here.]

Parenting is no joke. One day, if you have kids of your own, you're going to call me and tell me how hard it is to prioritize after your kid commits a federal crime and nearly gets arrested by the FBI. And I'll just be like mhmm, now you get me.

[guestservices]

[you ever read a tag and then forget it's yours.]

I'm very certain that I will never have kids, Mrs. Hammond, but thank you for the advice. I think.

[toesies]

Fair enough. But you never know when you might spontaneously acquire a baby. So I think it's good advice.

[guestservices]

...I feel the need to ask if this is something that's happened to you before.

[toesies]

Believe it or not, no. But we did end up babysitting someone's mutant spider ball for a while because because she couldn't take him on the place after 9-11, if that counts.

[guestservices]

That really, absolutely does not count and now I have even more concerns than I previously started with, actually.

[toesies]

Hey, Mr. Ball Legs is a delight.

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Mister. Ball. Legs?

[toesies]

Mr. Ball Legs.

[guestservices]

I have to ask, did he already come with that name or...?

[toesies]

[She nods.]

Ramona named him! It's a really fitting name, she's a smart cookie. I even named my own Mr. Ball Legs after him.

[guestservices]

Why are there more of them? Who allowed them to multiply?