[there's clear guilt as he says that, closing his eye for a moment before he continues.]
I should have - at the very least, I should have realized he was going to try and fight back, and prepared more. I didn't... [hm.] I know that saying I didn't mean to hurt him that badly doesn't mean much, given the circumstances, but.
Most people will fight for their life when threatened, I believe. But at the same time, considering the circumstances your school was placing upon you I think it does mean something.
There's a difference between doing what you're tasked to do, and doing it beyond what's necessary. Reality versus cruelty, if you will.
[he pauses for another long moment, taking a breath.]
In that case, I think being unprepared enough to make him suffer more was a cruelty. Byleth was already so hurt... I shouldn't have expected her to take the lead.
There were three of us, back then. Me, her, and another woman named Otome. But - there were other roles, too, and one of them had checked in Otome that week and seen she had a role. We thought it she left any evidence, it would make her even more suspicious because of something like a footprint or a stray strand of hair. Byleth and I, though... We were both on one of those trips that happen on Thursdays, hours before we had to act. Given her injuries, I should have talked to her about changing her plans, so I could take the lead and let her be the one who watched instead, but...
[he takes a little breath.]
It had... hurt so much, the week before. I didn't think I was up to having to kill him so soon after the last person.
...I believe that's called having a moral conscience, Rupert. Though I do wish these places took things like this into consideration. Outside damage and all.
Is that so. [they do not say if they agree or disagree.]
...do you regret it? Or was it a relief being caught and being able to get out of the situation you found yourself in? [a pause.] I am aware that sounds as if I am asking if you were happy to die, but that's...not quite it.
I think... Back then, I was a different person, in a way. I wanted to do the right thing, but sometimes I was too scared to follow through with what that meant. So I was really relieved I wouldn't have to hurt anyone else, since - I mean, even if it was the best option we had, it didn't feel right. You know? [...] But a lot's happened back home, since then. I think if I'd been there after experiencing everything else I have recently, I would have handled it better. Or at least, I wouldn't have wanted to run so badly.
...experience does change things. [they mull over that quietly.] I don't think there really is a right or wrong answer. Of course things would be different if you had lived longer and through other things. But that's the thing about learning and growing.
It happened. So now all we can do is carry on. Right?
[but rupert doesn't get to agree or disagree before another shower of stardust falls...the figures may be slightly fuzzy and hard to make out, but rupert sees a memory.
You walk for a while, and you don’t even know where you’re going. Does it matter? You’re together. It’s always been the two of you, even before it was the three of you. And so it doesn’t surprise you when he speaks again.
“I always figured I was better at stuff than you. Are you mad?”
You shrug. “No. I kinda always thought you were better at everything, too.”
There isn’t any room for argument then as you see a light ahead. You respect his wishes to set him down, and the two of you make your way toward the water. You think he’s behind you, and so you idly comment that maybe the two of you are the same. It isn’t until there’s no reply you realize he’s collapsed.
You run. But then you sit down in the sand side by side and watch the waves.
“…if the world is made of light and darkness…we’ll be the darkness.” You hum in your agreement. At least the other side of things is safe. You think that maybe…it wouldn’t be so bad. Being here. Knowing you accomplished something. Knowing you still aren’t alone even if you’re here.
He eventually requests to go to the water, and soon you feel the cool ocean lapping at your feet.
“…to tell you the truth, I was jealous of you. I wished I could live life the way you do. Just…”
You idly think that your best friend is, actually, kind of an idiot.
“Yeah, well, I’ve got my share of problems, too. Like…wanting to be like you.”
His answer surprises you. The advantage of being him…is having you for a friend? After all this time…but no. It does make sense, doesn’t it? After all…
“I’m okay the way I am. I’ve got something you could never imitate, too.”
A comfortable silence settles over you both. The dark sky wraps around you, the sea breeze over your skin and you think that this is it. If this is what the darkness means…you think you can handle it together.
...it was back then, yes. And it would have been if things ended there, but naturally things changed and progressed. Further experience came to fruition.
[they seem a little distracted, but that's maybe because of the memory itself.]
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[there's clear guilt as he says that, closing his eye for a moment before he continues.]
I should have - at the very least, I should have realized he was going to try and fight back, and prepared more. I didn't... [hm.] I know that saying I didn't mean to hurt him that badly doesn't mean much, given the circumstances, but.
[it's true regardless.]
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There's a difference between doing what you're tasked to do, and doing it beyond what's necessary. Reality versus cruelty, if you will.
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In that case, I think being unprepared enough to make him suffer more was a cruelty. Byleth was already so hurt... I shouldn't have expected her to take the lead.
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[he pauses for a moment, to think about it.]
There were three of us, back then. Me, her, and another woman named Otome. But - there were other roles, too, and one of them had checked in Otome that week and seen she had a role. We thought it she left any evidence, it would make her even more suspicious because of something like a footprint or a stray strand of hair. Byleth and I, though... We were both on one of those trips that happen on Thursdays, hours before we had to act. Given her injuries, I should have talked to her about changing her plans, so I could take the lead and let her be the one who watched instead, but...
[he takes a little breath.]
It had... hurt so much, the week before. I didn't think I was up to having to kill him so soon after the last person.
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[...]
Was that when you were caught?
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[he nods, though.]
Yeah. Surprisingly, it wasn't even the dog bite that did it.
[laughs in vouchers]
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...do you regret it? Or was it a relief being caught and being able to get out of the situation you found yourself in? [a pause.] I am aware that sounds as if I am asking if you were happy to die, but that's...not quite it.
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[he gives it some honest thought for a moment.]
I think... Back then, I was a different person, in a way. I wanted to do the right thing, but sometimes I was too scared to follow through with what that meant. So I was really relieved I wouldn't have to hurt anyone else, since - I mean, even if it was the best option we had, it didn't feel right. You know? [...] But a lot's happened back home, since then. I think if I'd been there after experiencing everything else I have recently, I would have handled it better. Or at least, I wouldn't have wanted to run so badly.
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It happened. So now all we can do is carry on. Right?
[but rupert doesn't get to agree or disagree before another shower of stardust falls...the figures may be slightly fuzzy and hard to make out, but rupert sees a memory.
...and gemini is silent again. hm. unfortunate.]
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...Is that really alright with you?
[being the darkness.]
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[they seem a little distracted, but that's maybe because of the memory itself.]
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[a beat, and then:]
Uh, vaguely, assuming you can't tell me exactly.
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