He died, and I hurt everything around me. Even though it wasn't their fault. Not even just hurt, I was going to kill them.
[...] I haven't done anything here yet. Maybe because with what I've been tasked to do it feels hypocritical. Maybe because there's a part of me that uh, that still hopes it doesn't have to be that way. But I also wonder how long I have before it starts to not be a choice.
[ temper's very human, isn't it? but, that's all they say to that part, listening to lup as she talks, and digging their thumb into their palm for a moment, as they gather their thoughts. ]
...There's an old saying - once an arrow's on a bowstring, it has to be shot. For you all, your arrow has been loaded for weeks, now. Holding a bowstring at the ready is hard.
[ absently, they lift their arms and mime the position of drawing back a bow. ] It requires a lot of strength and fortitude, not to just snap. [ and then release it. ] Don't misunderstand, though - I don't think I would say that Clementine or Sieghart were particularly weak. Rather, just that they were unlucky. Luck's never a choice, either.
Beyond luck, then the question becomes, is there ever a right moment? Or can you keep holding the bowstring steady for weeks at a time - and if that interference comes, is it worth it to try and weather it, or should you release ahead of the curve?
[ ... they let their arms drop back down. ]
It's a long winded way to say that that's a gamble, and I don't think any of us have an answer to it. You're right, that there's no predicting who will be next. Maybe it is worth it to choose on your own: at least then you have some control over the results, and it's your choices you have to live with instead of someone else's.
...'s what I would do, I think. If I were in your shoes, I probably would've done something massively stupid already.
... That's always what it is. Choices you have to live with. After everything, I just don't know if I can bring myself to decide to hurt someone and their hostage for me and mine.
Those excursions are designed to put you guys in pressure cookers, as far as I can tell. Like everything else.
[ .... ]
... You were in a situation like mine, in the station, weren't you? I haven't read a lot about it, but.. if I remember right, you guys chose to go there. Did you feel like you were fully in control of that choice? Or did something happen that made you agree to it?
I was the staff of mine. Yes. [... as for the rest:] Taako was in danger. I wanted to save him. Something said it'd give me the ability to. So I said yes.
[ sounds about right. they turn to meet her gaze. ]
...Then... based on what you told me, I'd say - [ and with some emphasis, here ] fuck making the decision to kill someone. Fuck that.
I don't think it reflects on you that you wanted to save the person you love. I don't think it reflects on you that you lost it when you lost them, either, especially since it was in a situation designed to make you lose it. If you got coerced into doing this like that both times, and before, you made the choice and hated it, then this time, leave it out of your hands, and just do as much good as you can in the meantime.
You've already done a lot of good, here. Fate's a fickle bitch, but she's at least impassive. Flip the whole thing the fucking middle finger and walk your own path. That's part of what your job's all about. You get to tell death "not today".
[her expression shifts into something a little more warm, as they talk.]
Oh, well. I've done that already. [she told death "not today" the second she decided to eject her soul from her body. her hand falls from the back of her neck, and - well. she's incapable of saying it, and she's still embarrassed from earlier, but it's clear they've said something that makes her feel better. whatever it is.]
Taako is going to hang me upside down by my ankles. [she jokes, rubbing at her face.
Good. Me too. She listens, sometimes, or so I've heard.
[ if lup is really paying attention, she can see that some of the tension in their shoulders loosens, too, with the joke, and they sit back, laughing a little themselves. ]
That's probably true. Just elbow him in the balls on your way up and win your victory.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guestservices) wrote2022-06-09 12:18 pm
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Mmm. What did I do to get you so hard in my corner, huh?
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... I like the way that you care.
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And if I told you I don't always? Care, I mean.
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Then, I'd amend, and say that you care about what matters.
[ ... ]
...As far as I've seen, anyway.
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I wonder if you'd say the same thing if you'd seen me during my excursion, yeah.
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[ they shift to sit up a little, finally, reaching under their veil to adjust something or rub at their nose. ]
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[she tilts her head back.]
He died, and I hurt everything around me. Even though it wasn't their fault. Not even just hurt, I was going to kill them.
[...] I haven't done anything here yet. Maybe because with what I've been tasked to do it feels hypocritical. Maybe because there's a part of me that uh, that still hopes it doesn't have to be that way. But I also wonder how long I have before it starts to not be a choice.
no subject
...I get that.
[ temper's very human, isn't it? but, that's all they say to that part, listening to lup as she talks, and digging their thumb into their palm for a moment, as they gather their thoughts. ]
...There's an old saying - once an arrow's on a bowstring, it has to be shot. For you all, your arrow has been loaded for weeks, now. Holding a bowstring at the ready is hard.
[ absently, they lift their arms and mime the position of drawing back a bow. ] It requires a lot of strength and fortitude, not to just snap. [ and then release it. ] Don't misunderstand, though - I don't think I would say that Clementine or Sieghart were particularly weak. Rather, just that they were unlucky. Luck's never a choice, either.
Beyond luck, then the question becomes, is there ever a right moment? Or can you keep holding the bowstring steady for weeks at a time - and if that interference comes, is it worth it to try and weather it, or should you release ahead of the curve?
[ ... they let their arms drop back down. ]
It's a long winded way to say that that's a gamble, and I don't think any of us have an answer to it. You're right, that there's no predicting who will be next. Maybe it is worth it to choose on your own: at least then you have some control over the results, and it's your choices you have to live with instead of someone else's.
...'s what I would do, I think. If I were in your shoes, I probably would've done something massively stupid already.
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[her hand wanders up to the back of her neck.]
But I did. In there, I did.
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Those excursions are designed to put you guys in pressure cookers, as far as I can tell. Like everything else.
[ .... ]
... You were in a situation like mine, in the station, weren't you? I haven't read a lot about it, but.. if I remember right, you guys chose to go there. Did you feel like you were fully in control of that choice? Or did something happen that made you agree to it?
no subject
I was the staff of mine. Yes. [... as for the rest:] Taako was in danger. I wanted to save him. Something said it'd give me the ability to. So I said yes.
Not every different from here, actually.
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[ sounds about right. they turn to meet her gaze. ]
...Then... based on what you told me, I'd say - [ and with some emphasis, here ] fuck making the decision to kill someone. Fuck that.
I don't think it reflects on you that you wanted to save the person you love. I don't think it reflects on you that you lost it when you lost them, either, especially since it was in a situation designed to make you lose it. If you got coerced into doing this like that both times, and before, you made the choice and hated it, then this time, leave it out of your hands, and just do as much good as you can in the meantime.
You've already done a lot of good, here. Fate's a fickle bitch, but she's at least impassive. Flip the whole thing the fucking middle finger and walk your own path. That's part of what your job's all about. You get to tell death "not today".
no subject
Oh, well. I've done that already. [she told death "not today" the second she decided to eject her soul from her body. her hand falls from the back of her neck, and - well. she's incapable of saying it, and she's still embarrassed from earlier, but it's clear they've said something that makes her feel better. whatever it is.]
Taako is going to hang me upside down by my ankles. [she jokes, rubbing at her face.
(taako voice) GO AHEAD AND CHOOSE FORSAKE]
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[ if lup is really paying attention, she can see that some of the tension in their shoulders loosens, too, with the joke, and they sit back, laughing a little themselves. ]
That's probably true. Just elbow him in the balls on your way up and win your victory.
[ aquila, ]
Which one of you's older? You or him?
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[you are twins.]
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Yeah. That sounds like younger twin behavior. I bet you're cuter, too.
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[don't encourage this poor taako already has like 34 complexes]
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[ was that a fire joke ]
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[she's amused though.]
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All my material's very fresh.
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[fresh, she means]
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Speak for yourself! What does that make you?
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Yeah, okay, you're definitely unique, I'll give you that. You are maybe the...second weirdest elf I've ever met.
[ this is very affectionate sounding, at least? ]
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[she knows they probably can't but listen]
(no subject)