You have told me more than once to not kill myself to save other people. Do you need to hear that? [...] You have so many people on your side, Zixi, that can account for errors if they're made.
[ either learn how to stand up, or hang yourself. that phrase never leaves him. that responsibility never leaves him, and lup can likely see it on gu yun's face, in his eyes. truthfully, he's been lucky - the benefit of being staff is the ability to have it whenever he wants. he's put up with a lot of execution day migraines. ]
It's worth it. [ always is. ] I can slow down again when this is all said and done.
[her hair just like. floofs up, standing on end the way it does when she's angry, but she doesn't say anything. she just turns and keeps walking towards the restaurant.]
[ all men are stupid and stubborn actually and this is the one thing he is the most stupid and stubborn about. however! gu yun is not a total idiot and though he will not back off of this thing, he knows an angry lup when he sees one. he pauses a moment, and then moves to catch up with her, shaking his head. ]
...After all of this, the last thing I want to do is die. [ a little quieter - a little more vulnerable, though only a little. a chip in his perfectly polished armor. ] And the others are reliable.
[she has to keep her mouth closed because she's two seconds away from saying something she'll regret, so she's quiet for a couple of moments as they walk. she hears the vulnerability, and she wants to treat that the way it deserves to be treated.
a deep breath. a shaky exhale, and a little bit of a helpless feeling, but what else is new.]
It's the after that I'm concerned about, Gu Yun. [she says, stiffly. you can survive it all only to end up not getting to enjoy what comes next. nobody she knows ever thinks for the future. she wants to think for the future.]
You might even go grey. [she says - and her voice is a little more fragile, here, but.] You deserve an after. I shouldn't have to tell you that, but I will, until you get it.
[ an after. it's a strange concept, one gu yun barely really knows how to comprehend. ]
...I certainly didn't get to enjoy a long retirement. [ it's another little joke, but, sometimes that's the best he can really do, when faced with a lot of emotions and the abject concept of someone else worrying about him. ]
Alright, Lup. [ it's not a perfect lesson, and it's not an instant one. maybe it's something he can be more mindful of, his short little human life. ] I hear you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guestservices) wrote2022-06-09 12:18 pm
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he is looking like anywhere but at her face ]
.... Well, I don't remember. I took a dose this morning, so, it must have only been one dose this week.
[
he usually takes it on sunday
so it was two ]
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hm ]
You know, this time, I actually do feel like I should be running?
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[ could he ]
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...
eventually, glancing away. ]
... There is no room for error. [ there hasnt been here, once. but right now, maybe especially. ]
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You have told me more than once to not kill myself to save other people. Do you need to hear that? [...] You have so many people on your side, Zixi, that can account for errors if they're made.
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he opens his mouth briefly and then closes it. ]
... I will not have my own - [ inability ] - situation be the reason that someone else is harmed.
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... You can't control everything. It might happen even if your situation is less than perfect. [she leans a little to look at him.]
It's not all on you.
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[ either learn how to stand up, or hang yourself. that phrase never leaves him. that responsibility never leaves him, and lup can likely see it on gu yun's face, in his eyes. truthfully, he's been lucky - the benefit of being staff is the ability to have it whenever he wants. he's put up with a lot of execution day migraines. ]
It's worth it. [ always is. ] I can slow down again when this is all said and done.
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But you won't. And it'll be less and less effective.
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[ it's fine! it's totally fine and definitely has not gotten less effective over time! (: ]
...It'll be fine. Just a little longer, here.
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...After all of this, the last thing I want to do is die. [ a little quieter - a little more vulnerable, though only a little. a chip in his perfectly polished armor. ] And the others are reliable.
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a deep breath. a shaky exhale, and a little bit of a helpless feeling, but what else is new.]
It's the after that I'm concerned about, Gu Yun. [she says, stiffly. you can survive it all only to end up not getting to enjoy what comes next. nobody she knows ever thinks for the future. she wants to think for the future.]
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… ]
…I’m not used to the idea of having one. [ a future. ]
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Get used to it. I'm going to drag you kicking and screaming into old age.
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I’ll get wrinkles. [ he doesn’t mean this complaint. okay maybe a little. ]
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...I certainly didn't get to enjoy a long retirement. [ it's another little joke, but, sometimes that's the best he can really do, when faced with a lot of emotions and the abject concept of someone else worrying about him. ]
Alright, Lup. [ it's not a perfect lesson, and it's not an instant one. maybe it's something he can be more mindful of, his short little human life. ] I hear you.