[they lead on into the courtyard, and soon they settle at the patio and order tea service for both of them. it's nice and warm? and gemini settles back in their chair and gestures for sebastian to take a seat.
he seriously doesn't have to, but gemini is sort of getting the sense something is off here.]
...I've been told that in times like these, while it is important to help others it's equally important to help yourself and regroup after traumatic events.
[ ah... this feels kind of weird — especially given how many times he'd just stood in this courtyard and glared at that statue — but he sits down and picks up his cup, letting it warm his hands through his gloves. ]
[ he hesitates, takes a small sip of his tea, and then looks down into the cup. ]
I had to... I had to do something really bad in... um, in that place we were in. I mean, it— I know it was the only option I had. But I feel like... I don't know if I have any business being a prosecutor after that.
[ you can't let a murderer be a prosecutor, right? ugh. he's sure pops will be really disgusted with him if he finds out. he's been trying not to care so much about what he thinks, but with something like this...
he sniffs and wipes away a few tears that roll down his cheek. ]
A-and maybe I never really did, 'cause it feels like I've just been wrong about stuff all the time anyway, ever since I got out of school. I mean, you've seen plenty of examples of that, right? Of me messing things up like an idiot all the time.
[woof. there is a lot to unpack here, and they're silent as they listen to him give an explanation. they sip their tea and they're weirdly patient about it as they think of how to reply. ]
You're wrong about that, first of all. It wasn't the only option you had. You could have chosen not to do something, but then likely all of your lives would have been forfeit. You chose the option to help your companions and get yourself out of a dangerous situation. [they tap their fingers on the table.] I believe there isn't one set way of doing one's job. There are ideas, and there are morals, and there are guidelines. But being in a place like this puts all of you in situations that are outside of the realm of what you have learned previously.
So, to say that you have no business being a prosecutor is false when this is an entirely different law system to begin with. [they tilt their head. ] Do you suppose you have been learning from the mistakes you've made?
[ well... yeah, he considered it the only option because in the other option, bradley and jason would have died, and the spirit would have lost control of himself and wouldn't be able to be saved anyway, and that whole world would have just been set right back on its previous course of destruction. he guesses he technically saved that world like the hero he'd always wanted to be, but doing it with someone else's life still just makes him feel like crap.
there probably is something to be said for having to apply morality differently in that kind of situation, at least... he'd said before that he couldn't compare whatever people like dimitri who were fighting wars did in their worlds to what he did in his. knowing that doesn't do much to stop that scene from playing over and over in his head, though.
he sips his tea... and finally sighs. ]
I always feel like I am, but then I just make new ones... a-and even back home where I was supposed to know everything, I was suddenly getting stuff wrong all the time...
...I don't know anyone who is completely perfect at their job, Mister Debeste. And it's foolish to believe you're "supposed" to know everything. [...] You've likely been getting stuff wrong, but there are things you've been getting right as well, most likely.
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[ and then he just. keeps standing there. ]
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hm. well. gemini also stands there for a moment before they nod slowly.]
...come with me. [just. gesturing for sebastian to follow them out to the courtyard.]
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[ he follows. ]
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he seriously doesn't have to, but gemini is sort of getting the sense something is off here.]
...I've been told that in times like these, while it is important to help others it's equally important to help yourself and regroup after traumatic events.
[so sit down and drink your tea and rest, child.]
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Thanks.
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You seemed as though you weren't sure what to do next. [given he was still standing there after gemini gave him the task.]
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[ he hesitates, takes a small sip of his tea, and then looks down into the cup. ]
I had to... I had to do something really bad in... um, in that place we were in. I mean, it— I know it was the only option I had. But I feel like... I don't know if I have any business being a prosecutor after that.
[ you can't let a murderer be a prosecutor, right? ugh. he's sure pops will be really disgusted with him if he finds out. he's been trying not to care so much about what he thinks, but with something like this...
he sniffs and wipes away a few tears that roll down his cheek. ]
A-and maybe I never really did, 'cause it feels like I've just been wrong about stuff all the time anyway, ever since I got out of school. I mean, you've seen plenty of examples of that, right? Of me messing things up like an idiot all the time.
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You're wrong about that, first of all. It wasn't the only option you had. You could have chosen not to do something, but then likely all of your lives would have been forfeit. You chose the option to help your companions and get yourself out of a dangerous situation. [they tap their fingers on the table.] I believe there isn't one set way of doing one's job. There are ideas, and there are morals, and there are guidelines. But being in a place like this puts all of you in situations that are outside of the realm of what you have learned previously.
So, to say that you have no business being a prosecutor is false when this is an entirely different law system to begin with. [they tilt their head. ] Do you suppose you have been learning from the mistakes you've made?
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there probably is something to be said for having to apply morality differently in that kind of situation, at least... he'd said before that he couldn't compare whatever people like dimitri who were fighting wars did in their worlds to what he did in his. knowing that doesn't do much to stop that scene from playing over and over in his head, though.
he sips his tea... and finally sighs. ]
I always feel like I am, but then I just make new ones... a-and even back home where I was supposed to know everything, I was suddenly getting stuff wrong all the time...
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...I don't know anyone who is completely perfect at their job, Mister Debeste. And it's foolish to believe you're "supposed" to know everything. [...] You've likely been getting stuff wrong, but there are things you've been getting right as well, most likely.
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[ he's been looking down into his cup for a lot of this conversation so far, but he looks back up now. ]
Do you think I've... am I better than I used to be?
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...I believe you've made significant improvements, yes. But improvements are always difficult to see in ourselves.
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[ it was never something he had to try to look for before when he thought he was already close to perfect at everything he did. ]
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I will reiterate. It isn't a bad thing to not know everything right away. You are still moving forward.
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That's... the best I can do, right?
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and then he just sets his cup down on the table and slumps down in his chair. he is
so. tired. ]
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You'll be staying with someone else this evening, correct? [maybe don't be alone after this.]
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[ even though he's still kind of mad at him. ...and will be mad again when he finds out who else he's going to be stuck in a room with tonight. ]
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See to it that you do. Something about safety in numbers seems to apply here.