she curses, viciously, wanting to throw the gun across the room. no, no, no. it's not about choosing death, it's about choosing other people. she has such a strange relationship with it, with dying over and over and over again, with never being truly dead. this would've been nothing, to throw her life away, because it's never meant anything in the first place. she jokes about it often. i'm invincible, you can't kill me in a way that matters, i will always come back - she's a lich. she's in between life and death every day of her life, but. she can't take the blow for him. not this time.
you've been given a responsibility. she drags in a breath, hands shaking.
none of this is real, she tells herself. taako isn't here, he's not part of this stupid game, he's somewhere else, he's being held somewhere else. i won't let you die, she told a weeping harrow, stroking through her hair gently. that is real. she promised. the two people against the wall, shinobu and joonghyuk - they're real. and she can't let them take the consequences if she loses this game, she can't be responsible for that many people's deaths. what they've done to get here can't be wasted.
but more than anything - she can't let taako be the one left behind.]
I love you. [she says, desperately, to taako, voice breaking.] I'm so sorry, Taako - I'm sorry I couldn't - I can't kill someone for you, not like this. I wasn't - I'm sorry.
[he never will be left behind, she thinks. he will always die first.
taako's fingers twitch, and she can't look at him, she - can't, but she does, because if she has to do this, she has to give him that. she has to look at him when she points the gun against his heart and pulls the trigger.]
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she curses, viciously, wanting to throw the gun across the room. no, no, no. it's not about choosing death, it's about choosing other people. she has such a strange relationship with it, with dying over and over and over again, with never being truly dead. this would've been nothing, to throw her life away, because it's never meant anything in the first place. she jokes about it often. i'm invincible, you can't kill me in a way that matters, i will always come back - she's a lich. she's in between life and death every day of her life, but. she can't take the blow for him. not this time.
you've been given a responsibility. she drags in a breath, hands shaking.
none of this is real, she tells herself. taako isn't here, he's not part of this stupid game, he's somewhere else, he's being held somewhere else. i won't let you die, she told a weeping harrow, stroking through her hair gently. that is real. she promised. the two people against the wall, shinobu and joonghyuk - they're real. and she can't let them take the consequences if she loses this game, she can't be responsible for that many people's deaths. what they've done to get here can't be wasted.
but more than anything - she can't let taako be the one left behind.]
I love you. [she says, desperately, to taako, voice breaking.] I'm so sorry, Taako - I'm sorry I couldn't - I can't kill someone for you, not like this. I wasn't - I'm sorry.
[he never will be left behind, she thinks. he will always die first.
taako's fingers twitch, and she can't look at him, she - can't, but she does, because if she has to do this, she has to give him that. she has to look at him when she points the gun against his heart and pulls the trigger.]