[ there is one bruised little snowdrop included with this letter, as well as several wisteria petals. ]
Shinobu,
Though he can be a rake, Sylvain would never be so crude, so let us consider ourselves lucky. That said, I am still profoundly embarrassed with what's happened. Please forgive me. I have reflected on my actions and realized that even efforts to be helpful can be twisted into something truly abominable.
Secondly, while Marie does deserve retribution, I believe the correct person died that day. Death has not made him any more contrite, so I have no qualms saying so. Some people deserve to die, at best.
With those unpleasantries aside...
We did see the discussion regarding the tickets. And I was heartened by what you said -- it is true that the guilt of being chosen over someone else would weigh on me beyond words. But more importantly, I feel such genuine relief to see Claude and Hope revived, even if it is not the end to their troubles. It is a gift to me to have them that much closer to safety.
Just as kind was the sentiment that you would want to meet again. It is impossible to put words to paper for how grateful I am. You have forced me to wonder what happiness looks like: perhaps it is in reuniting with someone thought lost to you, or the warmth of a hand in yours, or simply to desire someone's company, and to be desired in turn.
I think it may be happiness to sit here, looking out at the snow that fell today, and write a letter with you in my thoughts, wondering what you might think of the same scene.
To sweeter dreams,
Dimitri
Dear Tsurumaru,
All I have to say is that your sense of humor is quite uncouth. And that Claude sent me his candy, so there is some sort of karma at play here. We used it to ask about returning to the lobby, but I do not think the answer is worth reporting to you. It is my opinion that you ought to use yours to inquire about something else.
Thank you for trusting me with your little bit of selfishness. No matter how many people we may lose -- to violence, illness, or simply the passage of time -- it is the nature of the heart to want to save all that we can. I want to help him too, though at the moment, I just hope I can help you.
Let us see this through.
Sincerely,
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Dear Mikazuki Munechika,
I would not have been so gracious in my means, so sufficed to say, you have both my understanding and acceptance both. I will be frank that I am still angry beyond words. Hatred is a distinctly human weakness, and one that I suffer from especially.
But that is why I am here, and you are where you are. What she needs is not my fury, but the support you and Tsurumaru must be leveraging her way. I am grateful, and will always do my utmost to help you, my friend.
However, I believe we are reaching an end to our usefulness here. I have faith in you all, and in the capability of those on both sides. Though I have only lived a fraction of your years, I understand what it is like to watch others be left behind, overtaken by flame while you yourself must move on. But life is not always kind in its outcomes, regardless of how much we might toil and struggle. If we should not be able to return, then do not look back. And do not regret for my sake.
But selfishly, I will hope for the best.
To whatever awaits us,
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
Dear Claude,
While I would have been glad to see anyone on that list brought back to life, it is a blessing for me in particular to see you returned to the other side. Even if your troubles are not over, and though no, I do not consider anything resolved, I think it is a step in the right direction.
Thank you for sending me this most horrific lollipop. We used it today with regards to returning to you all.
The answer was nothing worth speaking on, but everything we've encountered makes me want to believe we stand a chance. Still, I am not naturally inclined to optimism. So while I cannot afford to lose myself to hopelessness, if all else goes wrong, I want you to know that I have been grateful to learn more about you. Is it not strange, that I feel closer to you now than I ever did at Garreg Mach? I find myself thinking about our monastery days in excess lately, wondering what might have been.
w7 ; weds night