...I think I can understand that. They do say that sometimes all it takes is one person to completely change the meaning of your life. It's the same for him?
[ he wiggles his ring finger, briefly, before reaching down when tanhua comes close. his hand just settles on the huli jing's head briefly. ]
... I had only hoped so, at most, before learning that my feelings were reciprocated. [ hua cheng is a confident and charismatic man, who cares very little for what other people think about him. but he spent so much time believing that xie lian would never feel the same way for him. his voice is a little awed when he says - ] But, yes, it is.
...good. [it's just kind of a soft tone, understanding maybe. that's always kind of nice to know things like that are reciprocated, especially when your life is...you know. like that.]
Then I doubt anyone could ever blame you for things you would do to keep him safe.
[unfortunately, this is all they get to say before there's a shower of stardust, and a memory...
This has always been just the way you are. Ever since you were a child, you would always find a way to punish the people who had wronged you. Back then it had been accidental at best and misdirected at worst. Back then, you were too afraid of what you were feeling, what you could do, running away from the things that scared you most as the twisted, bitter and horrifying emotions gently wove their way around your heart like a barbed cage.
But you like to think you're getting a little better now. You're a little more stable, a little more self-aware and...dare you say it? A little happier. Not that there's much in the way of happiness here. You're more pragmatic now. Alert. Unapologetic, in a sense.
You're not a doctor by any means, but the feeling of the needle and thread in your fingers is a little soothing. It reminds you of home, funnily enough, and perhaps this isn't the right time to smile but you can't help yourself. You find yourself humming slightly under your breath. It's a silly little tune that you used to roll your eyes at, but now it only reminds you of something you're working toward.
Your partner is somewhere beside you, leaning back against the shelves surrounding you and creating an object as you've described to him. You've never really spoken to him before now, but you have to trust him to make this work. It's the perfect distraction for now, but there's a flicker of doubt when you think of it too long.
So you don't. You don't think about it. You focus on the task at hand, the reason you're doing this, the one you lost who you would do anything to reclaim. You're tired of losing people, you think. It's normal. It shouldn't be normal. But it's insulting to think of how she was taken from you and you think it's perhaps just a little insulting to your intelligence for the man responsible to believe he can fool you.
"Stop squirming," you say softly, but seriously. Blood drips onto your hands but you hardly notice it, pinching the folds of his lips together as the thread pulls through. You can hear the muffled noise of protest and press down harder to keep the man beneath you still. You think, maybe, he's begging for mercy but you currently know of no such thing. The plan is, perhaps, a bit overboard. A single shot would get the job done, but that wouldn't be enough. A stab would be too obvious, and he could walk it off. With what you have planned, walking it off won't be an option at all. After all, that's what the hacksaw is for.
It's cruel, but you know it has to be this way. It's the only thing that makes sense to you now.
Complete multiple tasks. Kill him. Make him suffer. Avenge her. Feel better. Survive.
Maybe next time they'll think better than to cross you ever again.
...terrible way to interrupt something soft like sweet emotions, really.]
I think many would. But I don't let it bother me - he's what matters.
[ oh. hello?
this is definitely An Interruption, but hua cheng is only momentarily surprised by it before he settles into what's happening. many others might be... disturbed, maybe? to see such a memory.
but he just coasts through it with interest, taking in that feeling of avenge her. he thinks of when he became a wrath level ghost, of leveling the entire mountainside and killing a hundred people, with no remorse, for what they did to xie lian. ]
... did you feel better, in the end? [ was it worth it? ]
[haha. well that happened! that happened, and aquarius freezes for a second while they think of how to bother explaining it. maybe they don't need to? maybe it doesn't matter too much.
as the stardust settles, they look at hua cheng even if their expression can't be read thanks to the veil.]
...better enough. At least enough to finish what else needed to be done.
[ he thinks about his response, but not for very long. he's... definitely not particularly bothered by this. aquarius has net some respect, in some ways? it might not be the kind of respect one would want, but it is respect, nevertheless. a bit of understanding, in some ways. ]
That's what matters, in the end. That you accomplished what you needed to. Especially if it was for someone else.
[they kind of just tip their chin up at him a little.]
I think you and I both have a similar understanding, yeah. Sometimes...the end justifies the means, especially for the people you care about most. There are just some people you can't look away from.
[ that makes the corner of his mouth twitch a little, a half smile. ]
En. Especially when they could very well rival the sun, in some ways. They are simply that integral, or shine that brightly, that to live without them or see them suffer... it can be unimaginable.
[something about that makes them falter, slightly. not enough to totally throw them off but just enough for them to have to really think on their words.]
...yeah. Especially those people. Usually ones who know how to defend themselves just fine but you kinda can't help but do everything you can to make sure they don't always have to? [. . .] Anything to make sure the light never burns out.
I think you and I have an understanding, Aquarius. [ same hat? ] Even if you know that they can take care of themselves, you still want to do what you can.
If my hands are dirty, his won't be. I've no issue with that.
[ this is my little murder baby now. "you don't know aquarius' age?" murder baby. ]
Ah. [ that - makes him laugh, some humor back, now, with that description. ] That's about right, isn't it? I like the stubborn streak, but I also don't at the same time.
But, en, there are. And I would not trade that, in the end. We just keep up.
In the end, I think I'd rather have it exist than not, yeah. [so again, same hat.] ...I'm sorry he's in danger right now. But I'm sure you'll do what you have to do to make sure he's safe. Whatever that might be.
... unfortunate to say, but he often is in danger. Usually of his own accord. I'm sure he's alright while I decide what it is, exactly, that I'm to do.
After having been in your position, so to speak, I know there is little impact that you have on the situation in that regard. It's alright.
Sometimes it's all we can do to tell ourselves that while we plan.
[they lean back against the rockwall.]
...we are just staff, but that doesn't really change that we know about these things and can't interfere for better or worse. I don't really like being idle.
It is. I told myself that for quite some time after circumstance caused us to part ways.
[ you exploded, hua cheng.
but he tilts his head. ]
Nor do I. I got myself into quite a bit of trouble for interfering, for better or worse. But it was worth it, in the end, at least in my opinion. It always is.
...an amendment to my earlier statement, actually. I don't really like being idle, but I can be patient. Doing anything too early isn't really my style either.
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[but then...there's the explanation.]
...I think I can understand that. They do say that sometimes all it takes is one person to completely change the meaning of your life. It's the same for him?
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[ he wiggles his ring finger, briefly, before reaching down when tanhua comes close. his hand just settles on the huli jing's head briefly. ]
... I had only hoped so, at most, before learning that my feelings were reciprocated. [ hua cheng is a confident and charismatic man, who cares very little for what other people think about him. but he spent so much time believing that xie lian would never feel the same way for him. his voice is a little awed when he says - ] But, yes, it is.
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Then I doubt anyone could ever blame you for things you would do to keep him safe.
[unfortunately, this is all they get to say before there's a shower of stardust, and a memory...
...terrible way to interrupt something soft like sweet emotions, really.]
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[ oh. hello?
this is definitely An Interruption, but hua cheng is only momentarily surprised by it before he settles into what's happening. many others might be... disturbed, maybe? to see such a memory.
but he just coasts through it with interest, taking in that feeling of avenge her. he thinks of when he became a wrath level ghost, of leveling the entire mountainside and killing a hundred people, with no remorse, for what they did to xie lian. ]
... did you feel better, in the end? [ was it worth it? ]
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as the stardust settles, they look at hua cheng even if their expression can't be read thanks to the veil.]
...better enough. At least enough to finish what else needed to be done.
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[ he thinks about his response, but not for very long. he's... definitely not particularly bothered by this. aquarius has net some respect, in some ways? it might not be the kind of respect one would want, but it is respect, nevertheless. a bit of understanding, in some ways. ]
That's what matters, in the end. That you accomplished what you needed to. Especially if it was for someone else.
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I think you and I both have a similar understanding, yeah. Sometimes...the end justifies the means, especially for the people you care about most. There are just some people you can't look away from.
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En. Especially when they could very well rival the sun, in some ways. They are simply that integral, or shine that brightly, that to live without them or see them suffer... it can be unimaginable.
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...yeah. Especially those people. Usually ones who know how to defend themselves just fine but you kinda can't help but do everything you can to make sure they don't always have to? [. . .] Anything to make sure the light never burns out.
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I think you and I have an understanding, Aquarius. [ same hat? ] Even if you know that they can take care of themselves, you still want to do what you can.
If my hands are dirty, his won't be. I've no issue with that.
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Then that makes two of us. [...] Even if they're also incredibly stubborn and won't sit down and still try to argue their way into things.
[with that though they shake their head.] But I guess there's no helping that. There are some people that are just chosen for us.
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Ah. [ that - makes him laugh, some humor back, now, with that description. ] That's about right, isn't it? I like the stubborn streak, but I also don't at the same time.
But, en, there are. And I would not trade that, in the end. We just keep up.
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In the end, I think I'd rather have it exist than not, yeah. [so again, same hat.] ...I'm sorry he's in danger right now. But I'm sure you'll do what you have to do to make sure he's safe. Whatever that might be.
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... unfortunate to say, but he often is in danger. Usually of his own accord. I'm sure he's alright while I decide what it is, exactly, that I'm to do.
After having been in your position, so to speak, I know there is little impact that you have on the situation in that regard. It's alright.
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[they lean back against the rockwall.]
...we are just staff, but that doesn't really change that we know about these things and can't interfere for better or worse. I don't really like being idle.
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[ you exploded, hua cheng.
but he tilts his head. ]
Nor do I. I got myself into quite a bit of trouble for interfering, for better or worse. But it was worth it, in the end, at least in my opinion. It always is.
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...an amendment to my earlier statement, actually. I don't really like being idle, but I can be patient. Doing anything too early isn't really my style either.
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Sometimes you have to be patient, for a plan to actually come to fruition. Otherwise I may have taken action the second week in.
[ i'm gonna do another w4 hua cheng murder and no one can stop me ]
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well. given that hua cheng has seen they sure are a fucking murderer somehow, they can't say shit!]
The build up is what's important, or so they say.
[nobody says that. but it's fine.]
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The payoff from it, or whatever it is that people say, yes.
But it isn't something to do lightly.
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Should I consider this a warning for the future, Hua Cheng?
[they still don't seem bothered.]