I'm glad then. Even if the two years without him might've been nearly unbearable, knowing that he was still there must have helped. [. . .] Were you angry that he was gone for so long?
[it makes sense. they reasonably knew that was the case, but.]
Having to move on then...even when...[even when nothing. because there's stardust, suddenly, and a chilly memory rolls through.
It's cold. It's cold outside, and you stand before the twenty-foot-long pit that smells faintly like root beer and barbeque sauce. The only light you see comes from the full moon hanging above you. You're aware other people are around you, but your focus is intense, words spilling from your lips as your powers take over you. You almost fail to notice the strong, silvery light flickering amongst the trees as it draws closer to you. It kneels, drinking from the pit, and as it stands you falter in your speech.
She appears to you just as she did right before she left. Timeless, ageless, and yet...lifeless. You don't notice the way she addresses one of the others first, shaking yourself out of your daze as you stumble forward calling her name.
She turns to you, a sad expression and you feel something in your chest tighten.
"You've gotten so tall," she says, almost like this is only conversational and not monumental.
"Why didn't you answer me sooner? I've been trying for months!"
"I was hoping you would give up."
The fragile weight in your chest shatters then. "Give up? How can you say that? I'm trying to save you!"
"You can't. Don't do this." You don't want to hear her say the boy beside you is right. You refuse. You scream the truth as you know it, that he let her die, that he isn't their friend, and you do your best not to tremble and break when her hand reaches for your face and disappears before your eyes.
"You must listen to me," she says in that tone you remember so well. It's the tone she always used when she thought younger brothers should listen to their older sisters even without reason. You don't agree with her. It isn't a flaw, this burden you hold onto. "You have to forgive. You have to promise me this."
"I can't. Never."
She tries to reason with you. She lies to you, says that the boy beside you has been worried and can help you. But that's not true. No one can help you anymore. No one understands.
"Why are you helping him and not me?" You shout to get her attention again. "It's not fair!"
"It's not him you're mad at. It's me."
You shake your head. You protest. You know your throat's closing and tears well in your eyes as she continues.
"You're mad because I left you. You're mad because I died and left you alone. I'm sorry for that. I truly am. But you must overcome the anger, and stop blaming him for my choices. It will be your doom."
The girl behind you speaks up. She's always been someone who applies logic and reason to everything she says. She tries to tell you about the tyrant whose power is growing, that he'll use you, but...
"I don't care. I just want my sister back."
"You can't have that." Your sister says in a tone more gentle than most. You nearly stamp your feet, loudly proclaiming that you can because of your lineage, that you will do this, but she won't hear you.
"Don't try," she says just as softly. "If you love me, don't..."
Hundreds of spirits begin to surround you, twisting and throbbing in agitation. A warning you want to ignore. A sign you shouldn't ignore, but it doesn't matter. She's here, finally. You won't waste this.
"Your power draws the attention of him. The dead must return. It is not safe for us to remain."
You panic as you realize she's once again leaving you. You beg her to stay just a little longer, but she's already fading before your eyes.
"I love you. Remember what I said."
And just like that her form shivers and she disappears, the ghosts vanishing with her and leaving you alone under the cold, full moon.
[ Well, we are sad in this club, but we it is me hei. Joonghyuk is a heartless bastard, after all (no, he isn't). He watches this memory quietly, finding it relatable in many ways. With memories from past regressions, he would hunt down those he labeled pests... Those that made mistakes and costed him. He told himself it was strategic, but it is vengeful all the same.
He also understands the cruelty of a gentle voice and hand.
But (siri voice) he says none of this. They can have their cozy silence for now. ]
[they don't think they were wrong either, but. they've learned since then. sometimes the dead have to stay dead. sometimes people really are just...doing their best.
sometimes blame is misplaced.
nevertheless, their shoulders sag.]
...I know. I get it. I can't just give you something like that though. [and they hate it, actually.] ...I'll see what I can do. Maybe ask around. Pull strings if I can.
[ The answer is silence, but Aquarius can sense that it’s appreciative, maybe grateful. Niah seems to catch the vibe and his tail wags some. Animals are intuitive. ]
[there are pets for niah. good sparkledog. they do want to try to help recover the watch, but they also can't promise. an attempt shall be made though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 3, Tuesday
Ah. Good morning.
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I wanted to ask about my pocket watch.
[ Again. ]
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Your watch. Right. ...what's so important about it anyway? I don't know if you've actually said.
[they are holding out a hand for niah though. pets. ]
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You never asked.
[ me pulling out my pocket watch memshare if you want ]
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Am I allowed to ask? [wry. they at least will let yjh dictate how much he wants to share.]
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[ Firmly said as if he wouldn't just say no 99% the time. Stardust falls and Joonghyuk wrinkles his nose, scowl intense.
It is a memory. ]
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ANYWAY THIS IS A LOT. this is a lot? stardust falls, memories play out, and aquarius is just. staring for a second.]
...I didn't quite ask but still got an answer, I think. [lightly.] ...a connection?
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... A gift.
[ But, yes, a connection. ]
I think it was meant to remind me to move forward.
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[move forward.]
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[ He isn’t sure if he can say, considering regressors will always live in the past. ]
But I have to now. I can no longer regress.
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I no longer have the ability to regress now.
[ So yes. ]
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But is he...? [what happened after that?]
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[ Sometimes you sacrifice and leave everyone thinking you're dead, then come back to reveal you are not dead. ]
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I'm glad then. Even if the two years without him might've been nearly unbearable, knowing that he was still there must have helped. [. . .] Were you angry that he was gone for so long?
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[ sorry, aquarius. ]
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[it makes sense. they reasonably knew that was the case, but.]
Having to move on then...even when...[even when nothing. because there's stardust, suddenly, and a chilly memory rolls through.
hm. that one, again. aquarius goes silent again.]
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He also understands the cruelty of a gentle voice and hand.
But (siri voice) he says none of this. They can have their cozy silence for now. ]
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so it's a bit of silence.]
...sorry. We can just...ignore that. [as you do.]
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[ But Joonghyuk is not a good man, so take that as you will. ]
My pocket watch.
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[they don't think they were wrong either, but. they've learned since then. sometimes the dead have to stay dead. sometimes people really are just...doing their best.
sometimes blame is misplaced.
nevertheless, their shoulders sag.]
...I know. I get it. I can't just give you something like that though. [and they hate it, actually.] ...I'll see what I can do. Maybe ask around. Pull strings if I can.
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How long ago was that?
[ The memory. ]
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but mm...tricky...bad...]
A few years. It's been a while.
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... You're doing well now?
[ At least these are very general, distant though somewhat caring questions. ]
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"Well" is a little subjective if you ask me. But "better" works. I've learned how to be on my own when I need to be.
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